Crisis negotiating is much like starting and running a business, and probably just like life itself;
🎙️ None of us truly know what is ahead of us - We can plan, we can strategise, we can think about exit points, but unexpected things always come along and throw us off course. Understanding that most things never go exactly as planned provides us with comfort. It happens to us all, not just me.
🎙️ The single best thing we can do in life is to connect with others - There are three ways to get things out of our heads when we have difficulty resolving our challenges - talk, write, and read - with talking being the best option.
🎙️ You are not alone - We often think that no one else has the same problem as us, that others won't understand what we are going through, that we are unique. You are indeed unique, but there is not one person on this planet who has not faced what seemed to them like a mountainous problem which they got through, and so can you too.
🎙️ We are restricted by ourselves - Our brain is designed to keep us safe, to keep us within our neural pathways, to make us run in known patterns. Stepping outside our comfort zone is how we get over life's challenges, running to the fire with the necessary tools to put out the flames. Each of us possesses strengths that we do not know that we possess until we truly need them.
🎙️ Our mind is not set - It takes effort to make changes in our life but not as much effort as you think it might. All it takes is to change our mindset because our mind is not actually set.
🎙️ Now, is the right time to take action - Don't wait until a crisis negotiator answers your call for help, reach out now. Take on that challenge as soon as it arrives by talking, reading, and then writing.
Talk: Speak with others, not the ones who say "Stop worrying", "It's nothing to worry about", or "Worry is simply a wasted energy." Find someone else, someone who will sit, listen, and support.
Read: Go to reputable sites and read about how others overcame their challenges.
Write: Make a plan in writing with a pen on paper. It starts today, not tomorrow, for tomorrow is in the future and you are only ever in the present.
Let's talk!
Let The Joy Consume You!
Life goes so fast these days, and we quickly move on from moments that we should spend time reflecting on. Today was a moment in time I will hold on to for a few days.
In a small Cafe in Orewa I met with my publisher who provided me with an advance copy of my next book - Anxiety is a Worry. He grinned from ear to ear, this was also his moment as he had been supporting and very patient in my delayed completion of what has been a four-year journey.
Based on empirical evidence from global research, Anxiety is a Worry is a comprehensive guide for managing anxiety. Filled with practical techniques, this book takes a comprehensive guide to detail what anxiety is, the numerous causes, and how to navigate through a range of options.
For those who may want to know, the book is due for release in the last week of August. The main printing takes some time, 352 pages is a solid print.
Never let moments of achievement pass you by no matter how small. Relish the elation, be completely in the moment, and let the joy fill you ❤️.
Believe In Yourself!
How many times have you said, "Why does this always happen to me?!"
As my dear departed Mum used to say, "It's not all about you son". She was right.
Often things just happen for no particular reason. It is these adversities that make us who we are, not the adversity itself. In some ways, our response to these events is more important.
There is a saying that goes something like this, 'It's not how we fall, it's how we get back up again'. I prefer to say "It's not that we fell, it's that we got back up".
We can believe ourselves, or believe IN ourselves.
As we go through life and negative events happen, our brain places a marker in our memory as a point of reference for the future, mainly so we can avoid similar situations in the future. The problem, the marker doesn't clarify the cause or how we got through the event, it simply records the part of the event where our emotion was at its highest.
Generally, we repeat our behaviours because our brain prefers to stick to patterns of behaviour, known as habits which are based on neural pathways. These pathways are there to keep us safe.
Our brain is a dumb tool designed for simpler times and although our world has developed, our brain hasn't kept pace. Sure, the brain has developed from the basic stem to one now that is more complex, yet, the fundamentals remain since the earliest of times - fight, flight, or freeze.
We learn by doing and, until we have experienced something several times, we might not get things right on the first or second, or even third occasion.
Do we learn from our past, yes, but only if we go back and examine what took place to change it.
A simple technique is to start by looking for similarities:
👉 Write a list of the occasions where the same event has happened.
👉 Next, write down beside each event what was similar about each one and see if you can identify a common theme or single causal factor about them, apart from the fact that you are involved.
Was it a choice that you made, or were you drawn to the similarity for a reason, was your judgement clouded by emotional attraction, is there one common action that you can now learn from and change? This is how we learn; looking back, opening it up, and examining the events.
👉 To complete the process, and this is a very necessary part, look for the differences in each event. These are often more difficult to find because we are all consumed with the commonalities, the 'why me' factor.
It is in the differences with each event that we realise it was not necessarily us that was the cause, it was the situation, the emotion, or it just 'was'.
It is better to do this technique with someone else, to provide perspective. Coming together with others makes us feel safer knowing that we are all very similar, knowing others have faced similar events, and knowing we are not alone.
It is what it is because it was what it was, it's what you do now that matters - I have this tattooed on my chest as a reminder.
Let's talk!
Imposter Syndrome!
You dismiss your successes as pure luck and not from your hard work. Or, maybe you attribute your successes to those around you. I once thought it was self-doubt, and to an extent it is.
Impostor syndrome.
I knew what it was but didn't know it had a name. Like me, many people experience this - not believing they have the necessary skills for their current role, telling themselves they don't deserve to be in the position they are in, perhaps feeling that they are a fraud
Try focusing on these simple things;
💡 Accept that you are as good as others say you are and that you got to where you are because of you.
💡 Stop comparing yourself to others, each of us is unique and have something to offer.
💡 If you make a mistake, it's not because you are an impostor, it's because you made a mistake. That's all, a simple mistake.
💡 Don't hold back, prove to the world that you are as good as others say that you are.
Have confidence that you are better than you think you are, that you are where you are today because of your skills, and that you deserve everything you have worked for.
Let's talk!
Exercise Can Be Helpful!
We actively post tips and tricks each week, and we're aware of how overwhelming all this information might be. Particularly so for someone who is struggling for time or maybe a little unwell or can't slow their brain down long enough to consider many options.
From the numerous readings that I have undertaken, every book on resilience, well-being, wellness, and the myriad of other topics on self-development espouses the benefits of taking 30 minutes each day to do what they suggest is the best thing that you can do for your health and wellness
Depending on which book, article, research paper, journal or dare I say it LinkedIn Post, I should be spending 30 minutes on; reading, quiet time, meditation, training my brain, meditation, visualisation, exercise, prayer, listening to music, doing something that I enjoy, meeting new people, doing something to excite me, doing something to relax me, etc., etc.
There is only so many hours in a day and to do all of these suggestions would fill the entire day. So what is best single thing that is the very best for your mental and physical health?
Exercise. A 30-minute medium-to-fast pace walk at the end of the workday, or a form of exercise that you enjoy.
This form of exercise has to be undertaken at the end of each workday to burn off any remaining adrenaline and cortisol in your blood from the day's stressors. If you still want to go to the gym at the beginning of the day, fantastic, go for it. But why not do a little bit of cardio at the end of each day as well?
If exercise is not for you, or perhaps for some reason you are unable to do this activity, then simply choose one of the other activities from the list I have provided over the last few weeks. Pick one activity that resonates with you as most are of equal benefit
Better still, why not do a different activity each day to spice things up a bit?
Let's talk!