"I'm sorry for the hurt that I have caused, I'm sorry for the bad things I've done, I'm sorry for the pain, the grief, the distrust, and all of the other things that I was responsible for that were wrong."
Without question, all of us have done something that we later regret. A bad word, a hurtful comment, continuing a stream of gossip, maybe something said in the heat of the moment. Aren't we all guilty of an event that we regret at some point in our lives and now we feel guilty about?
Our 'go-to' word when we want to make amends is always sorry. For the most part, it is a word we say because we mean it. If we could take back all of the hurt, grief, distrust, and other negative effects that we caused by our actions, we would. But we can't, it's done, there's nothing more that we can do except use a simple word, sorry.
Or is there?
What if we could do more than just utter a single word, what if we could use two or three words, maybe even a sentence to show how sorry we are. What if we added the words 'so' and 'causing' and 'I'm' and perhaps those other words to describe what we caused by our ill-considered actions? What if we said "I'm so sorry for all of the pain and hurt I caused you", and added another sentence to show that we meant it?
In the end, they are all just words, simple words.
And for some of us, words will never be able to make amends for what we have done. Maybe we need to take action, maybe we need to show the ones who we hurt that we are genuine with the words we now use to apologise and we showed how sorry we were by changing our behaviour. Wouldn't that be something?
There are some things that we would love to say sorry for and to take back or rectify what did or said, but we can't for whatever reason. What then? Well, how about working hard so that others don't make the same mistakes as you by talking about your past mistakes? Is that not another way of saying sorry? Why not do as much good as you can in the world to balance the scales back the other way?
There is always more that we can do than simply saying that we are sorry. Find your way of doing something positive to balance the scales. It will not only help you to make amends, but possibly help you to avoid the self-loathing trap that guilt and regret can bring to us every day.
Remember that you are only human, you have many flaws, and we all do. It's how we deal with those flaws that matters, because we care.
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Don't Worry!
Don't worry! ...If only it was that easy.
Let's start with your brain, what's going on up there?
It is said that we have 70,000 thoughts a day going through our brain. Your brain is wired in such a way so that it is always looking for ways in which to keep you safe. Sometimes it goes too far to the detriment of our well-being. Give your brain half a story and it will make up the rest, in other words, you can guarantee that the end of the story will be a negative one. It is simply looking for perceived threats to keep us safe.
When was the last time that you worried about something and it never eventuated? I bet it happens most times? If it did eventuate, it was never as bad as you thought it would be, or perhaps it was - and here you are today, you got through it.
The first part of resiliency is to understand that your brain is looking at the negative side of life. It is sometimes good to examine the negative things but know that your brain is exaggerating the information.
If you have a worry on your mind, remember that talking is the best option to resolve those problems that we haven't been able to resolve ourselves. Talking with others extends the knowledge and experience needed to find the appropriate resolution strategy. Talking also helps to bring a new perspective to our issue, we can see things through a different lens.
Once you have chatted and found a way through your problem then set about fixing it with a practical action. We can 'work at worrying or work on what is worrying us', our brain is going to work regardless of which one we choose to do.
Working on our problem gives us something positive to focus on rather than the negative problem.
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SLEEP!
We all know that sleep is one of the most important things that you need to survive. Sleep improves memory, reduces blood pressure, enhances creativity, supports us in eating better, and the list goes on.
Three factors have a big impact on sleep – time, temperature, and light. The cave where you sleep needs to be dark and cold and you need to go to bed at the same time each night.
It is recommended that you get at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep each night. I was once the worst sleeper ever. If I had 4 hours sleep a night I was ecstatic. Because of this, I read lots and lots and lots of books and have tried lots of different techniques. These tips won't work for everyone, but here are the basics of what works for the majority;
Exercise every day – a 30-minute walk is the recommended minimum; at the end of the day is great for sleep as it helps us burn off the built-up stress from the day
Coffee: Try stick to just two cups per day and never after 3 pm.
Don’t use a smartphone or tablet within 1 hour of bedtime.
Have a hot shower one hour before bed - as the brain cools, it sends a signal to that it is night-time.
Have dinner at least four hours before bedtime and don’t eat too much.
Have a small piece of protein right on bedtime to help stop you waking at 3 am.
Try to go to bed at the same time each night and wake up at the same time each day – this forms a sleep pattern.
Think about one thing and one thing only. Concentrate on that one thing – a happy place, an inanimate object, something that stops other thoughts coming into your head.
Easy to say but hard to do - relax in knowing that you will get to sleep eventually and that you won’t be as tired the following day as you think you might be.
Try to stick to the same pattern every night. Any changes to your pattern will influence your brain and you will have to restart the pattern.
Lastly, it takes a while for your body and brain to adapt to change so don't do something different every night - it is the smallest changes done consistently that make the biggest difference.
If you are someone who really struggles with sleep and need a few more tips to try, we have constructed a document that you may find helpful. Head to our website, scroll down and hit the sleep tips button and we'll send you back our sleep tips document, free of charge, no catches.
Happy dreams.
Don't Let Fear Hold You Back!
👉Is there something that you have always wanted to do and found a way of not doing it?
👉 Has there been something in the back of your mind that says, "As soon as I have this, I will do such and such?”
👉 Have you ever sat watching TV or reading a magazine and said to yourself “I would love to have a go at that”, or “I would love to visit there?”
👉 Do you find yourself in a bit of a rut that you can’t seem to get out of and wish that there was a way to move forward and change your life for the better?
👉 Is there an organisation that you want to support, a company that you’ve always wanted to work for, something that you wanted to build, or perhaps a challenge that seemed out of your reach?
We tend to hold ourselves back because of fear. Mostly subconsciously, a fear of what could go wrong rather than what could go right. What if we can swap that negative fear around and use it to encourage us, to see what could happen 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 we succeed.
If your plan doesn't work out the way you thought it might, what did you learn to use again for your next goal?
𝘚𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳 – 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴 𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳. 𝘞𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥.
It is far better to say “At least I gave it a go” than not trying at all because regret for not doing something can be terribly demotivating.
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What I Learned From My Father!
What I Learned from My Father
He was a man of few words and raised us how he thought would give us the greatest opportunity in life. Here is what he used to say to me, and what I've learned from him:
👉 "Finish your homework before going out to play." - It's important to get your priorities right. Do the things that you have to do before relaxing, and doing so will allow you to relax without thinking about those unfinished tasks.
👉 “I told you to help your mother.” – Helping others should always be a high priority. Altruism is a reward in itself.
👉 “Stop mucking about and get it done” – Procrastination plays on your mind, if you start something make sure that you finish it, and importantly don’t waste your energy on worry or other frivolous things.
👉 “Be home by dark.” – Timeframes help us set boundaries but timeframes should also be flexible so that you don’t place yourself under pressure.
👉 “I told you not to do that and you ignored me.” – We often ignore advice from others because we think we know best. If you did what you did for the right reasons, then no one has the right to judge you for doing it your own way.
👉 “Why do you keep doing dumb things?” – Mistakes are made so we can learn. Sometimes we keep making the same mistakes, that’s because we haven’t learned the lesson, yet.
👉 “If you don’t know what you want to do in life, always get a trade first.” – When making a plan always have a fall-back strategy, an exit strategy, or a way to modify your original plan. Life is built on a solid foundation.
👉 “As long as you do your best I will always be proud of you.” – No one can ask anything more of you than giving your best, ensure that you always do so and you will be rewarded accordingly.
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