The WARN Blog
We often ask ourselves 𝘸𝘩𝘺 when things go wrong in our lives
"Why does this always happen to me, why do bad things always happen when I am a good person, and why can't I get what I want."
The next time something goes wrong, use the word how. How did this happen, how can we avoid this again, and most importantly, how can we move forward?
Apologies for the short post, busy times currently :-).
Occasionally we get into a rut at work, three letters from the word RoUTine. Routine can lead to boredom, which can lead to complacency, and complacency can lead to accidents.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you're doing your job and thinking about other things, and suddenly, something happens that snaps you out of your thoughts? You're left wondering where your mind has been for the last 10 minutes, running on auto-pilot in a routine.
So how do we remain focussed? You get into rituals rather than routines.
A routine is where we are disconnected from what we are doing:
# Wake up.
# Brush our teeth.
# Have breakfast.
# Catch the bus.
# Start work.
# Coffee at 10.
# Lunch at 12... you know the drill!
A ritual is doing the same thing, but knowing the reason behind why you are doing these things; mindfulness.
I like to use the example of commercial pilots; before every flight they walk around the plane checking all of the bits are still where they should be, pushing the same buttons to ensure they still work, and checking the water, fuel, and oil. They do the same mundane checks before every flight, often many times each day. How do they maintain alertness? They 'think' about the reason why they are doing it.
So how do you change a routine into a ritual?
* Use a checklist to ensure that you don't forget anything.
* Have someone check your work as you do it.
* Use self-talk as you do your tasks by telling yourself why you are.
* Break patterns by changing the way you do your tasks.
Do you have a ritual that you like to use to keep yourself engaged and focused on your tasks?
Let's talk!
Here's what we can say about the increase in what I refer to as ADS: Anxiety, Depression and Suicide. The marked increase is, in most cases, due to one or all of three things;
Too much information - social media, Google, too many choices causing our brain to work faster. Not to mention, our devices having an impact on our neuro-wiring.
High expectations of ourselves - we strive to be the best, sometimes comparing ourselves to others. We must get the best marks, school reports are like performance appraisals, and perfectionism is increasing.
Social isolation - we don't talk face-to-face across the generations as we once did, we use devices more to communicate, and we listen far too much to the voice inside our head.
It is not necessarily the big things that impact us the most. It can be an accumulation of little things that make us more vulnerable when a big event does happen.
To counter this, introducing a few small changes can make a difference;
Reduce the use of technology - it's a balance between doing practical and tangible things in conjunction with technology.
Spend one hour across the day talking face-to-face with people - not just with friends and family, but also with; teachers, shop assistants, the hairdresser, with people of all generations.
C's gets Degrees - Slightly reducing our expectations, and making a plan to move forward following a disappointment might help mitigate the negative impact when we don't quite reach what we sought.
Get outside - Walk, run, bike, climb - exercise, play, sun, fresh air, each of these make a difference to our wellbeing. Join them together to make a massive difference.
Breathe - There are three breathing techniques we recommend, all done through the nose;
To manage anger - Take a deep breath, hold it while counting to 4 inside your head, breathe out fully, and count to 4 inside your head before breathing in and resuming normal breathing.
To reduce 'thinking' - Breathe in to fully expand our lungs at exactly 6 seconds, breathe out to fully deflate our lungs at exactly 6 seconds. Repeat this for 2 minutes, twice a day.
To sleep - take 9 deep breaths; for the first 3 breaths imagine really cold air going up one nostril (but you are breathing through both nostrils), for the next 3 breaths imagine really cold air is going up the other nostril, and for the last 3 breaths imagine really cold air is going up both nostrils.
The big hurdle as a parent can be getting our children to listen to us. Pushing on people can end up pushing them further away. Do some of the things listed above yourself, and maybe they will follow in time.
If it's the little things that impact us the most, then let's start with the little things - do one small thing daily to make a change.
Does this sound familiar?
I am not good/strong enough.
I need to wait until...
When I get this done I can relax.
The person I talk to inside my head is much younger than I am.
I am getting old.
Life is passing me by way too fast.
I wish I had/hadn't...
Why can't I be like everyone else?
It's likely you've said or thought at least one of these in your lifetime. Here are a few tips to help you with them:
I am not good/strong enough - Imposter syndrome, you are good enough, you can always do better, and that's why you are where you are today.
I need to wait until - Your brain likes to run in patterns of behaviour, habits that may keep you where you are. There is no waiting, start today, right now, this instant.
When I get this done I can relax - You will never finish, there's always something else to do, there's another job to do. So, relax in the knowledge that you are working towards being a better person, helping others, and contributing to society.
The person I talk to inside my head is much younger than I am - Yes, we all have a much younger person as our inner guide. Acknowledge and validate him/her, just don't let him/her hold you back.
I am getting old - Reflection arrives with age, as does wisdom. Focus on the present, and embrace that you are currently alive by making the most of the time you have.
Life is passing me by way too fast - You are busy, which is a good thing, you simply aren't focussing on the here and now. Bring yourself back to the moment.
I wish I had/hadn't - Guilt and regret are designed to remind you of risks/danger and add to your learning pile. Instead, reflect on the good that you have done and add to your pile of good things.
Why can't I be like everyone else - You are, in many ways. There's about a 10% difference between all of us, the circumstances into which we were born. The rest is very similar, know that you are not alone.
Let's talk!
I am stupid, dumb, worthless, a loser who won't amount to much in life.
Although I tried to learn, no matter how hard I tried I was always near the bottom of the class. And so I became comfortable there, near the bottom. I wasn't last in the class so at least I wasn't that stupid, I told myself.
As I went through school I would think to myself - how was I going to succeed, how could I buy a house, how would I be able to live, what is going to happen to me, would I even survive?
It used to keep me awake at night, worrying that I was a failure and wondering if it was all worth it.
I did okay in life as it turned out, I sat a building apprenticeship and eventually became a construction site foreman. That was great but there was still something missing. And then something happened late in my life, at 35 years of age someone showed me how to learn.
From that point, I realised that I wasn't so stupid, so dumb, so worthless, or a complete loser who wouldn't amount to much in life. Studying became like a drug for me, I couldn't get enough of it. I found that I could read and digest eight to ten research papers in an hour, highlighting the important points as I read. As I laid the points out on pages I could visualise where each paragraph would fit, it was crazy and exciting.
The end result, I now have a few qualifications up my sleeve including a couple of Diplomas and a Master of Arts Degree. And I am still studying. So what is the moral of this rant? If I can, anyone can.
Stop telling yourself that you can't do something because you can. No one is stupid, dumb, worthless, or a loser who won't amount to much in life. Each of us has something special to offer the world, we just have to find what it is and how to use it.
I once would make excuses as to why the other person was better than me - they had money, they went to a good school, they had perfect timing, they had lots of support - excuse after excuse.
What I know now is that we can all achieve great things if we put our minds to it.
One person took the time to show me how to study, and for that, I am so very grateful. That was my key, learning how to learn. I encourage you to strive to find your key, it's never too late.
Find it, use it, give it all that you have when using it and watch how life unlocks before you.
