"You need to harden up."
"Tough people last, tough times don't."
"Sometimes you just have to dig it in and things will get better."
"What doesn't kill you makes you...."
These sayings are no longer valid, more so for those under the age of 35. Our world has changed significantly in the last decade and we humans have also changed.
Forcing someone to do something in today's world no longer gets the best out of people. Quite the opposite in most cases. Yelling at people or forcing them to do something against their will produces a negative effect by making them feel demeaned and inferior.
So how do we get the best out of people, how do we encourage people to pick themselves up when they are struggling with their mind health? We can get people to connect with others so that we can encourage each other. And, more importantly, we can encourage people to connect with themselves.
We all have an inner strength, something that keeps us going when life gets on top of us. Encouraging those who are struggling to find their true inner strength, a strength that lies dormant in all of us, one that we can only find and know the real value of when we truly connect with it.
How do you encourage people to use their natural fear to do better? By showing them the value of their true inner strength, their true self. Not by yelling at them or forcing them, but by sharing knowledge. knowledge of the mind, knowledge of the positive aspects of psychology, and understanding of our emotions.
Forcing people to do something will only cause distress. You can tell someone who is behaving badly to leave, or you can ask them when is a good time for them to come back. Which do you think works best in today's world? If you are thinking the former, examine if it is truly working or is it because they fear, you.
The age of knowledge and understanding through connecting with others is upon us as it once was. Work with it, not against it if you want to survive.
How's Your Screen Time Looking?
Whenever we use our devices, we receive shots of dopamine that reward us. Dopamine is highly addictive because it makes us feel so great.
The dopamine reward is not only addictive, but it also severs the connection between the limbic system and the frontal lobes meaning we are no longer able to think things through fully before acting. Hence, we purchase things on the internet that we may not need, we post prolifically to get continual rewards, and we might make comments on social media that we wouldn't ordinarily say in person.
The good news is that we can rebuild that broken connection, it just takes time. Restricting the use of technology is one option, yet one that I least prefer.
👉 The most preferred method of adaptation is to exercise! Exercise need only be a 20 to 30-minute medium to fast-paced walk that lifts our heart rate to pump oxygenated blood through our veins, to burn off adrenaline & cortisol, and to reconnect us to our prefrontal cortex. That reconnection is why ideas tend to come to us whenever we exercise.
❤️ Plus, we get the bonus of pain-relieving endorphins to make us feel great.
Imposter Syndrome!
"I'm not good enough."
"I don't deserve this position."
"I made a mistake, I shouldn't be doing this role."
Sound familiar?
Many people experience imposter syndrome - not believing they have the necessary skills for their current role, telling themselves they don't deserve to be in the position that they are in, and feeling that they are a fraud.
If this is something you are struggling with, try focusing on these tips:
💙 Stop comparing yourself to others, each of us is unique and has something to offer.
💙 Accept that you are as good as others say you are and that you got to where you are because of your knowledge and experience.
💙 Know that if you make a mistake, it's not because you are an impostor, it's because you made a mistake. That's all, a simple mistake.
💙 Don't hold back and hesitate, prove to the world that you are as good as others say that you are.
💙 What advice would you give a friend if you heard them say they weren't good enough? What if you gave that same advice to yourself?
Giving Has A Mutual Benefit
Many people are in desperate need of support after being impacted by the recent weather events throughout the country.
I could fill pages with the benefits of altruism, but I won't. All of the science, psychology and research I could find (and there is lots of it) indicates that altruism is good for you as well as for the benefactor.
If you aren't in a position to help out financially, maybe you are in a position to:
👉 Give your time to help someone in your community
👉 Check in on your friends and family - a quick message or phone call
👉 Thank our essential workers - many are the same people who got us through the pandemic
👉 Smile at those you pass by
👉 Look after your own mind health - so that you are in a better position to help others when you are ready to do so.
The Grief Cycle For Recovery - Is It Truly A Cycle?
It is said that we go through a recognised cycle when adversity hits, the grief cycle.
This cycle is based on a model developed in 1969 by Swiss-American psychiatrist, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, who worked for many years with terminally ill people. It remains largely valid today despite us knowing more about the brain than ever before. In fact, that same cycle is a useful model for dealing with all adverse events.
For me, the cycle is not quite as descriptive as suggested. There is no clear delineation between the stages nor what happens in each stage. In fact, the entire process seems more like a washing machine cycle than a stage-by-stage recovery process.
😳 Disbelief - shock, horror, and numbness. Similar to denial is complete disbelief of what occurred. We may have thoughts of; these things always happen to someone else but not me, it must be wrong, I am going to wake up tomorrow and everything will be okay, it is just a bad dream.
🎢 Anger - or a roller coaster of emotions. We may experience a complete range of emotions; sadness, anger, anxiety, despair, fear, guilt, regret, and the list goes on. Many of us will find ourselves getting angry - how dare this happen to me - all of these emotions are usual (normal).
🤝 Negotiating - making promises, deals and pleas with; a higher power, other people, or yourself. "I promise if you get me through this I will or never will...." We look at ways to move forward but are reluctant to do so as we don't ever want to forget what has occurred. We do try to bargain to move on, mostly with ourselves.
😩 Exhaustion - in the following days, weeks, or months of heightened emotions; we get tired, fragile, and vulnerable. Melancholia (deep sadness) from exhaustion sets in. This is the time to be gentle with ourselves because we are at our most sensitive. It's the time now to reflect on what occurred, the time to forgive us and others, the time to rest, the time to allow ourselves the pleasure of experiencing life again.
❤️🩹 Recovery - When we have rested, when we feel the desire to make a change, and only when we are ready and not when others tell us to; it's time to move forward.
Know that you will never forget what has happened, yet with time the vivid event will lessen its negative impact on our memory and we will remember how strong we are.