Sleep is not only important, it is critical for our wellbeing. Most of us go through three to five rapid eye movement (REM) cycles every night, with each cycle lasting around 90 minutes. There are five phases to each cycle, we go deeper and deeper into our sleep with each phase, the last phase is our deepest sleep and is when we (mostly) dream.

What are dreams? For the most part; they are the last thing on our mind as we go to sleep, the day's events, and/or our fears & insecurities. The challenge that scientists have with interpreting our dreams is that our dreams aren't matter-of-fact, they are distorted because of the way our brain functions when we are asleep.

It is no secret that hard cheeses will give you bad dreams, soft cheeses, particularly blue cheese, may give some people dreams similar to an LSD trip. There's something to look forward to tonight! Being too hot will also give you bad dreams.

"But what about the other things that happen to us when we sleep" I often get asked questions in my presentations. Let's have a look at a few of them now;

Lucid Dreaming

Have you ever had a dream where you knew you were dreaming during your dream? This is called a lucid dream. Research has shown that lucid dreaming is accompanied by an increased activation of parts of the brain that are normally suppressed during sleep. Lucid dreaming represents a brain state between REM sleep and being awake.

Some people who are lucid dreamers are able to influence the direction of their dream, changing the story so to speak. While this may be a good tactic to take, especially during a nightmare, many dream experts say it is better to let your dreams occur naturally.

Teeth Clenching/Grinding

Known as bruxism, it can be associated with factors such as anxiety, stress, too much caffeine or sleep apnea. To reduce bruxism you can either; reduce the influencing factors, sleep on your side, or use a medical aid such as a cream or mouthguard.

Sleep Talking

Known as somniloquy, around 50% of children aged 3 to 10 talk in their sleep and 5% of adults do so. It is often thought to occur during the dream phase however this is yet to be completely confirmed. Most often, sleep talking is harmless, on very few occasions it may be caused by an underlying issue. Sleep talking makes no sense so don't take exception if the sleep talker says something inappropriate or offensive. There is no 'cure' for sleep talking as such, because it is mostly harmless. If the sleep talking is violent or causing issues it is best to see a sleep specialist.

Sleep Walking

Termed somnambulism, It is much more common in children than adults and is more likely to occur if a person is sleep deprived. . It is a common misconception that a sleepwalker should not be awakened. In fact, it can be quite dangerous not to wake a sleepwalker. The onset or persistence of sleepwalking in adulthood is common and is usually not associated with any significant underlying psychiatric or psychological problems.

Common triggers for sleepwalking include sleep deprivation, sedative agents (including alcohol), febrile illnesses, and certain medications. Treatment for sleepwalking in adults may include hypnosis. In fact, there are many cases in which sleepwalking patients have successfully treated their symptoms with hypnosis alone. Also, pharmacological therapies such as sedative-hypnotics or antidepressants have been helpful in reducing the incidence of sleepwalking in some people.

Sleep Eating

Sleep related eating disorder (SRED) episodes always occur in an “out of control” manner. They tend to occur when you are only partially awake. Foods that are high in calories tend to be eaten the most. It is common to eat or drink thick and sugary foods such as peanut butter or syrup. 

Other sleep disorders that can be closely linked to SRED include the following:

  • Restless legs syndrome

  • Periodic limb movement disorder

  • Obstructive sleep apnea

  • Irregular sleep-wake rhythm

  • Sleep related dissociative disorders

People with sleep eating disorder often:

  • Have repeated episodes of “out-of-control” eating and drinking during the time when they sleep

  • Eat strange forms or combinations of food

  • Eat or drink inedible or toxic substances

  • Have eating episodes that disturb their sleep, causing insomnia. As a result, their sleep is not refreshing or you are very tired during the day

  • Injure themselves

  • Do something dangerous while getting or cooking food

  • Have a loss of appetite in the morning

  • Have their health decline from eating foods that are high in calories

It is also important to know if there is something else that is causing your problem. It may be a result of one of the following:

  • Another sleep disorder

  • A medical condition

  • Medication use

  • A mental health disorder

  • Substance abuse

Sleep Paralysis

According to a 2012 study, two powerful brain chemical systems work together to paralyse skeletal muscles during rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. According to the study, this finding may help scientists better understand and treat sleep disorders, including narcolepsy, tooth grinding, and REM sleep behavior disorder.

If you frequently have sleep paralysis then it is important to seek expert advice.

Night Terrors

Sleep terrors are episodes of screaming, intense fear and flailing while still asleep. Also known as night terrors, sleep terrors often are paired with sleepwalking. Night terrors differ from nightmares in that the person having the night terror remains asleep whereas we will wake from a nightmare and recall the bad dream.

Sleep terrors can be caused by sleep deprivation and extreme tiredness, stress, disruption to patterns of sleep, fever, or triggered by an underlying medical condition. Again, seek expert assistance if night terrors are persistent.

Predictive Dreaming

There are many examples of situations where a dream came true or was telling of a future event. When you have a dream that then plays out in real life, experts say it is most likely due to:

  • Coincidence

  • Faulty memory

  • An unconscious tying together of known information

However, sometimes dreams can motivate you to act a certain way, thus changing the future. For me, this still doesn't explain the high level of 'visions' that some people have, particularly in indigenous peoples.

We all need a good night sleep and for most, we are doing so. If you are having trouble with getting to sleep or staying alseep please reach out and this document may be able to help - https://www.warninternational.com/contact.

Let's talk!

Why Do I Cry Now More Than Ever Before?

Someone who read my last post was kind enough to send a personal message saying thanks for making them feel 'normal' about how they were feeling during the current situation that we find ourselves in with covid-19.

They also said that they found themselves crying a lot, something that was unusual for them. Immediately I thought about what that person had said, how foreign it was for them to cry. I found that sad, we should all be able to cry whenever we feel the need to.

The person who sent me the message was a man, a real man, a tough man, one who is always there for others, one who had to always be the strongest, one who others looked to for strength.

I get it that we need to have strength in times when strength is needed, but this is not one of those times. We don't need you to be strong all of the time, we need you to be human. We need you to show all of the emotions that we as humans are meant to show - sadness and happiness, courage and fear, insecurity and confidence, fragility and strength - because it is important for each of us to do so.

It is important in times of uncertainty that others see us as having the same emotions so that we can relate to what each other is feeling, because we are all feeling the same things. Who amongst us has never felt afraid, fragile, or sad in the last few weeks. These so called 'negative' emotions.

It is important to not only feel negative emotions in times of uncertainty, it is important to show them. A negative emotion that is shared is halved, a negative emotion that is shared is disarmed, a negative emotion that is shared is dissolved.

There is no such thing as a 'negative' emotion currently, emotions are emotions, one is just as important as the next. Remember that negative emotions are designed to keep us safe from harm, to make us alert and aware, to make us human.

When we see someone who look afraid, who appear fragile, or who cry, validates how we ourselves are also feeling. It makes us feel less alienated, it shows that we are all in the same situation, that we are part of the wider world, it brings us closer together, it shows us that we are all connected, that we are human.

However, it is more important not to dwell on negative emotions. By all means feel them, express them, talk about them, then move on from them by doing something that introduces the opposite emotion.

Finally, don't target others with your negative emotion for it is your emotion at that particular time, not theirs.

Let's talk!

My Dreams Are Kind of Weird!

Have you noticed over the last few days that your dreams are kind of weird? More weird than usual. Mine have been and so are those of people I have spoken with. It's as though I have gone back in time to an earlier life on most occasions.

Additionally, have you been tired, more tired than usual, feeling both physically and psychologically drained? Perhaps even emotionally drained? I have, and not just because of work, I am tired both physically as well as mentally, and I'll admit to having the occasional emotional moment where I feel overwhelmed.

So what is going on? The 'tiredness' issue is simple to explain, change and uncertainty. In the new world of COVID-19 we now have to make so many decisions about what was once easy to make, almost an unconscious decision.

"I'm just going down the road to get some milk" now becomes a multi-dimensional decision based on numerous influencing factors related to survival - am I allowed to go, how will I get there, which shop is open, what is the wait time, do I need gloves and mask, will I look silly (yes), how will I stay safe, what is 2 metres between other people, should I buy toilet paper while I am there (no), do I take my gloves off at the car or when I get home, has the milk container now been infected, phew!

Psychology affects physiology - when we have to make numerous calculated decisions that are outside of our routine we quickly become mentally tired as we use up fuel. Our brain prefers to run in patterns, neural pathways, and when we go outside of these pathways our mind goes to war - fight or flight.

Fighting, is both mentally and physically draining. Mentally, because we are consuming valuable brain fuel, and physically because our muscles become tense with adrenaline and we go into a heightened state of alertness with cortisol.

So why are our dreams weird then? It is important at this point to differentiate our conscious mind from our subconscious one. When we go to sleep our subconscious mind takes over and it does not behave in a 'normal' manner that our conscious mind does.

Our subconscious is different, it doesn't work on the present moment it works on the past. Our subconscious mind is working on the day's events to consolidate our long-term memory and get rid of any rubbish. It is also working on our fears and insecurities, of which there are a few currently.

All of these actions done so when we dream, for that is what our dreams are - processing the day's events and our fears. Because there are lots of new and uncertain things going on in the world at the moment, our subconscious has a lot of work to do. Hence, we have stranger dreams than usual.

What can we do to overcome what is occurring at the moment, we could fill pages with information that you would soon get bored with. A shorter answer is to go to our website and hit the 'Contact Us' button, scroll down to the 'Sleep Tips' query, fill out the details and we will get back to you with a comprehensive document on how to relax and how to get a better night's sleep.

As for feeling emotionally drained, connect with people. Most often in our new world we have feelings of being overwhelmed and isolated. Connection with others can counteract these normal emotions. Go for a walk around the block and say "Hi" to everyone you pass by.

Not only does exercise produce the buzz from endorphins being produced in our brain, exercise also burns off adrenaline and cortisol increasing the chance of a better night's sleep. Saying hello to others connects us but also makes the world seem just a little normal.

Let's talk!

Panic Is In Our DNA

In light of the current global situation, I was asked my thoughts on shoppers who went out panic buying at the supermarket. "It's not their fault" was my reply, because it isn't, it's in our DNA to survive in times of uncertainty.

All of us have an inbuilt survival system that stems back since the beginning of time, to do all that we can to survive. Hence the reason that we all, to a lesser or greater degree; talk to ourselves, worry, have an inner critic, look for the worst that could happen, and so the list goes.

Our default setting is anger, adrenaline and cortisol enable us to attack the threat as the first option, to run away is the second option. Fight or flight.

The more information that we have about a situation then the less the likelihood of us going into the attack (panic) mode. Panic is a natural response to fear. If we don't panic, we will back away and then begin to worry, another negative option.

At the time of the initial notification of the coronavirus, lately termed COVID-19, there wasn't a lot of information available about the consequences therefore it is, for some of us, our natural reaction to fill any void with a slant towards the 'worst that could happen' instinct, another of our self-defence mechanism.

Negativity bias affects the majority of us unless we work to turn it around. Here's a quick guide to see if you have a negativity bias. Ever noticed how it is much easier to; focus on the negative rather than the positive, frown than to smile, find what's wrong rather than what's right, identify differences compared to similarities, recall sad times over happy ones, criticise than to compliment, hate than to love, fear change instead of getting excited about it.

To over-rule our instinctive panic mode in situations such as we currently find ourselves, where information is either underestimating or overestimating the severity, refer to validated sources of information as most qualified experts have been consistent in their messaging.

If looking to the usual media sources, listen to the words spoken by the direct source rather than only the reporter's interpretation. If looking to social mediums, ensure that the original source is quoted in the post and then check with that original source.

I guess that also goes for this post, don't believe what I have just said, find out for yourself by undertaking your own research and comparisons.

Panic is normal if we don't have any information, panic is worse if we have unsubstantiated or exaggerated information that has a negative slant to it. I might suggest that it is better to worry than it is to panic, at least with worry we have had time to gather more information.

We can work at panicking, we can work at worrying, or we can work at finding out validated information. Our mind doesn't care which we choose, it will work regardless.

Let's talk!

Suicide, How Does It Start And Can We Do Something to Stop It?

The fifth and final post on suicide, how does it all start? For each of us it might be a different reason, but how our brain (mind) processes that reason that takes us down is often the same. It all starts with what we perceive to be a 'loss'.

The loss of a loved one (grief), the loss of a relationship (it's all over after giving so much), the loss of a job (I failed/am a failure), the loss of self-respect (I am worthless), the loss of self-esteem (others put me down or bully me), the loss of personal values (guilt and regret following an indiscretion), the loss of self-control (I can't cope with all that is happening), the loss of health (I have an incurable illness), the loss of a body's function (I will never be the same again), the loss of things being right (perfectionism), the loss of high expectations (I'm not as good as others), the loss of face (I embarrassed myself), the loss of identity (I aren't like them/ don't fit in), the loss of..........

Any loss takes a toll on us, the greater the sense of loss or the number of losses correlates to the greater chance that we will start to overthink the situation, start to repeat the loss, and continue to overthink things. As humans, most of us aren't programmed to tell ourselves that things will be okay, that we will adapt, that all we need is time.

We are programmed to find a solution to what occurred by repeating the event.

The more that we hold negative thoughts inside of our head, the more that we will catastrophise the loss - expand the negative aspect - until we start to blame ourselves and believe that there is no clear way forward.

We become lost in our loss; we have failed.

Here's a simple example of catastrophisation; you leave home and shout out to your partner "See you later", they shout back "Whatever!" You think, I will deal with this when I get home. What do you think about all day, that single word, 'Whatever'. By the time you get home, you are having a divorce, you are breaking up, it's all over. Inside your head that is. You ask your partner "When I left this morning, what did you shout back to me when I said, goodbye?" "Love you forever", what do you think that I said? "Nothing" you reply.

Our brains are continually looking for danger to keep us safe, more so today than any other time in history. Essentially, we have far greater information coming into our brain and more decisions to make than ever before which is making our brain run much faster than previously.

Evolutionarily, when our brains ran fast it meant that there was danger about.

Our brains have simply not adapted to keeping up with rapid advances in our environment, we are in fight-or-flight mode more than ever before in our living history. A fast brain equates to fight-or-flight equates to looking for danger equates to finding danger equates to finding a sense of loss to find the danger as to why our brain is going faster.

The sense of loss also leads us to believe that we have failed.

When we have a loss of any kind, and hold onto our negative thoughts about that loss, the negative aspect of the loss is exaggerated by the fight-or-flight phenomenon. We end up in a downward spiral of increasing and relentless negative thoughts. The negative thoughts forming neural pathways in our brain, superhighways of thoughts, so much so that everything seems to be overwhelming and we cannot seem to change our negative thoughts.

It becomes far easier to travel along the superhighway rather than conduct a U-turn and drive against the flow.

The downward spiral will continue and will take us down regardless of whether it is from worry or from rumination about the loss. If we allow our negative thoughts to take hold and don't stop them early enough, they will continue to the point where we end up with feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. There is no way out and I can't control it, I have failed, I am a failure.

Worry, the inner critic, the imposter, the younger self, the voice inside of our head. All of these are the same thing, risk management tools designed to keep us safe from danger. Tools that are now running too fast, so fast that they are now finding danger where danger doesn't exist, tools that have now become our danger. Tools that will now take us down if we allow them too.

How do you stop these spirals? By taking action, by running to the fire, by not allowing our thoughts to take over our brain (mind). You see, physiology (our body) affects psychology (our mind) and psychology affects physiology. Hence, we know that doing something physical will make us feel better and changing our thoughts will empower us to take action. Bring both physiology and psychology together, you have a strong recipe for stopping the spiral.

Our brain never stops working and they are incredibly practical, that's how we have got to where we are today, using our brains to work on problems to come up with practical solutions. We can work at worrying or we can work at working on what is worrying us, our brains don't care which of these we choose to do. The latter is better for us.

Additionally, we are social creatures, our brains are hardwired to talk with others. What might happen if we were to join both socialisation (talking with others) and taking some practical action? The answer, a strong recipe for stopping the downward spiral. Join all three - talking, coming up with a plan of action, and working on that plan - a far stronger recipe for success.

If you identify that a person is struggling with their thoughts, sit and talk with them. Talk about what happened, talk about how they are feeling, talk about what is the most important thing to them right now, and more essentially, talk with them about how they got to where they currently are.

What, how, and why, in that order.

Somewhere in the chat will be the trigger, the thing or things that started or continue to influence the downward spiral. Once the trigger or triggers are identified, list a few tasks that the person could do to move forward, practical activities to keep them focussed and busy. Number the tasks starting with the easiest task first, one that won't take much effort, the lowest hanging fruit, the one that will eventually lead to momentum.

When we succeed at something, we are rewarded with dopamine, a real gamechanger when it comes to chemically influencing our thoughts. It excites our brain.

That will make it a little easier to start on the next activity on the list. When we achieve the next activity, we again get rewarded which makes the next task easier still. Effort and excitement, E2 if you like, is how to break a negative pattern and to move forward.

Self-actualised neuroplasticity - the ability to self-promote an open mind, to complete the U-turn, to drive new neural pathways into our brain against the current flow.

If we keep doing this, something transformational may happen. We start to influence our genetic disposition by masking the genes. Epigenetics - https://www.whatisepigenetics.com/fundamentals/

The way in which suicidal ideations start is with negative thoughts, thoughts about a feeling of loss, negative thoughts leading to thoughts of death.

They are nothing more than thoughts, our thoughts, thoughts that we can change if we know what they are and how to control them. We control them with taking practical action to tell our brain that we are in control. Thoughts, thoughts that we must control as early as possible, if we wait too long then they seem to become someone else's thoughts.

They are our thoughts and only we can change them.

Our brain (mind) is very powerful, so powerful that it can get away on us to our demise. Controlling our thoughts is how we can get through this epidemic of suicide that is spreading around the world like a virus.

Our brain likes to continuously work whether we want them to or not, so let's get them working to our advantage by focussing on practical actions. To keep us safe, like they were originally designed to do.

Let's talk!

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