Are Baby Boomers Selfish?

I heard a comment this morning that Baby Boomers are selfish! I wonder if that is the case? Here's my opinion on that comment based on the work that I undertake daily in organisations.

Depending on which website you so to, Baby Boomers (BB's) for the most part were born between 1946 and 1964. Their parents, the Traditionalists born before 1946, had been through tough times in their own upbringing which was reflected in the way they raised their children, the BB's. Tough times meant tough decisions had to be made about what, if any, disposable income should be spent on. Strict discipline was how BB's were kept in line should they stray.

As they were growing up, most Baby Boomers made a silent pact that they would never let their own children go without, as they perceived this was occurring in their own upbringing. Not that they didn't go without, BB's just wanted to give their children more so that they didn't have to work as hard. And not just more, BB's wanted to provide the very best of what was available for their family.

Baby Boomers, for the most part, were workaholics - ask them to work overtime and they said 'Yes' without consulting their partner or considering how it might impact on their family - by working overtime they were being successful and bringing home the food so their family will be happy, wouldn't they? BB's had no hesitation in going to work outside of business hours to catch up when behind in their work or might bring work home with them.

Funnily enough, and despite bringing work home, work and home were never mixed. BB's left what was happening at home, at home. Never talk to them about their family if it is not part of the conversation or relevant in any way. This was personal. Baby Boomers were, and still are, driven. Success to them was either a promotion at work, a fancy title, monetary bonus, a nice house, or just being able to afford whatever they wanted to. All of this was done in the name of their family and they were proud of their success.

Baby Boomers learned from books called encyclopedias - really big books that were years out of date by the time that they were printed. They didn't have instant access to information therefore had to store their readings inside of their heads for long periods of time. Most BB's did this by rote learning, going over and over the information until it was ingrained in their heads. They have the ability to retain more information than any other generation and will be quick to tell you so.

If BB's had to learn a new skill, they had to first unlearn the old one or slowly modify the way in which they worked to move to the new skill. The way Baby Boomers spoke with each other was also unique, they masked the difficult part of the conversation around nice messages, hence the praise sandwich was born. They also spoke in long sentences because, apart from reading, this is how they passed on information.

Are Baby Boomers selfish, certainly not, they do what they do for their family. Do they want to leave a legacy for their family, mostly they do in the form of property or material items. Do they care about others, you bet, they just won't tell you because they simply get on and do it. Do they want to 'fit in', yes.

In my humble opinion, where BB's need to change is in the way that they communicate and behave. In short, they need to change their seemingly selfish ways.

BB's could stop comparing the way that they were raised with the way children are raised today. BB's could think more about the wider community and not just their own family and circle of friends. BB's could take more cognisance of how the environment is at risk if things continue the way they are. BB's could modify the way that they talk with others, millennials and pluralists don't converse that way. BB's could consider that information today is instant therefore sitting for long periods of time studying is no longer necessary.

Finally, Baby Boomers, Millenials and Pluralists called all learn from the Traditionalists. For the most part, Tradiltionalists were respectful in their communications regardless of what they thought or of their personal views.

And before you Baby Boomers jump on what I have just said, not all of you are the same, I get that. We don't like being lumped into the same group and don't like generalisations. We you ask? Yes, I am a Baby Boomer too.

Three Things We Need To Stop Doing More Of!

You would have heard it said many times, our brain is wired with biases - both unconscious and conscious - to keep us safe.

There are three common things that most of us do that we may or may not be conscious of;

1) Reading minds - How often have you walked by someone and greeted them with a smile only to have them scowl back at you. Immediately you think "What have I done wrong?" Most often, you haven't done anything wrong and, most often, the other person has something on their mind that is unrelated to you.

If this happens to you, ask the person if they are okay. That way you will know if it was something that you did or said that has offended them, you have clarified what is going on, and you may just have helped the other person.

2) Catastrophising - You are planning a trip, heading to an interview, or just going to the shops. Next thing you find yourself searching for everything that could go wrong - what if the plane is delayed, what if I say the wrong thing, what if it rains - all of which may or may not happen. Perhaps you have heard that your boss wants to speak to you about something that you did wrong, you begin to look for everything that you ever did wrong. You meet with your boss and it turns out you did nothing wrong at all, the message was incorrectly passed to you.

Most of us are wired to think the worst of everything, it is done so to keep us safe. To stop this, bring yourself back to the moment and deal with what is front of you. By all means think about what might go wrong so that you have an alternate plan but don't let this overshadow what could go right.

3) Self-blaming - Something goes wrong and your immediate thought is that you made a mistake, that you should or shouldn't have done something, that if only you had done something different then this wouldn't have happened.

If you have done something wrong, own it, fix it, and move on. As is often the case 'it's not all about you' so stop blaming yourself.

Negative thinking will make things worse for you. Negative thinking will wear you down. Negative thinking adds unneeded worry to your already busy life. Stop it!

Staying Focused To Avoid Complacency

Our brains are wired to worry, and that's a good thing as it helps us to stay safe to manage risks. Unfortunately we tend to worry about the wrong things and often lose focus when at work.

In the 1970's, Richard Burch identified the four stages of competency as we gain experience at work - unconsciously incompetent, consciously incompetent, consciously competent and unconsciously competent. The last stage often leads to complacency; we know our job well, we have done it so many times before, we can do it without even thinking about what we are doing, and it always works fine.

And then we have an accident because something different happened today that didn't happen any other day.

Moreover, our brains are 'thinking' more than ever before. People once had between 50,000 and 70,000 thoughts each day, we now have 70,000 plus thoughts every day. Additionally, there once was a separation between work and home. We could switch our brain from 'home mode' to 'work mode' and back again with consummate ease. This is no longer the case.

Millennials are possibly the most impacted due to an over-active brain, they are by far the most stressed generation because they have great difficulty in slowing their brain, of thinking of nothing, of separating home from work and of shutting their brain down when going to sleep. As a result they may lose focus on what they are doing.

All three of these factors - unconsciously competent, an over-active brain and the inability to separate work from home - can lead to accidents.

So how do we stop complacency? In my coaching sessions I like to use the military as an example, particularly that of the special forces soldier. Their work can be the most dangerous of all the roles within the military yet their casualty rate is similar to that of other military combat roles.

How do they avoid complacency - apart from physical, academic and psychological training; maintaining their equipment to the highest standard; expert planning; briefing staff before every operation; and holding a debrief at the conclusion of each operation - special forces soldiers use two methods to avoid complacency.

The first is that they refocus at regular intervals. Whenever they stop for a break, there is a change in the environment, they have achieved the first step of the operation, or whenever they catch themselves losing focus, they undertake three things. They stop, they reassess the situation, and they refocus their attention. This keeps them alert and on task.

The second thing that they do, and probably the most important technique to avoid complacency, is that they have an ethos; 'No One Left Behind'.

No one left behind is not like it is shown in the movies where every fallen comrade is returned home. The ethos means that everyone is going home because we are going to look after each other when at work.

When they prepare for the day, each soldier checks their own equipment and then another soldier may also check the equipment if they see something that the other soldier hasn't seen. If a soldier sees another doing something that is off track or might lead to a mistake they tell them. If a soldier sees another in need they go and help that soldier.

In short, everything is double checked and each individual soldier is held to account by their comrades-in-arms.

Yes, each soldier is responsible for themselves, to ensure that they are ready for battle and remain focused. Yet, the military have identified that we all have momentary lapses of concentration so they overcome this by ensuring that everyone is responsible for a successful mission through 'colleague accountability'.

Perhaps we can all learn from this ethos. So, are your colleagues going to be left behind when you go to work today?

Judge Me For The Positives, Not The Negatives.

There's been a lot of rhetoric in the media, both mainstream and social, that indicates a strong negative bias towards others. Moreover, seldom do I hear or read articles that do not have a negative slant to them.

In my communication workshops, I refer to the fact that we are angrier and sadder than ever before. I may have to add that we are also more negative than ever before.

The result of this negative slant in articles we read and hear is that we become accustomed to it and often listen just to hear the negative aspect. The next time that you are listening to the news, notice how your brain reacts to a negative story. You have an interest in it, you listen intently, and there will be a recognisable change in your mood when you hear a negative story.

It is not a conscious thought, it is unconscious unless you make it a conscious thought.

The reason is that your brain is always looking out for negative things is to keep you safe. Your brain is programmed to look for negative things, for risks, for danger. The down side of this negative bias is that we start to judge situations and to judge people in the same way. And the more that we read and hear negative messages the more we become programmed to do so.

This can lead to prejudging people based on what we have seen and heard rather than on the actual person in front of us.

When meeting people, we sometimes put them into boxes according to what we have learned from those who look or sound similar to those from our negative encounters or from negative media articles. Additionally, rather than look for the good in people we may start to look for the negative aspects of their character. This is our negative bias, or as I term it, prejudice.

It is unconscious but nevertheless it is there.

Putting people into boxes works for the most part. It helps us to rationalise irrational behaviour, it helps to warn us against any risk that this person might pose, it helps us to manage that person in a certain way. That is, until we get it wrong.

It is said that past behaviour is a good indicator of future behaviour. Again, for the most part this is true. Until of course that person may have changed or has a desire to change. If we label that person in a way that they once were, not only do we treat them unfairly we also hold them back from making their desired change.

The challenge for all of us is to break the negative cycle, to stop putting people into boxes, to stop unfairly judging others, to put an end to our unconscious bias, to reduce our negative thoughts about others.

Judge others with an open mind, judge others with a conscious positive bias, judge others for the way that they speak with you, judge others for the way that they treat you and not what you've heard about them. Importantly, judge others for what they do now, not for what they once did. People can, and do change.

Let's put an end to negative bias, let's look for the positives, let's judge each other with an open mind until we know differently.

You can change, you can stop negative thinking, and you can make a difference in your life and in others’ lives by simply looking for the positives.

Eat Your Cake, There's Plenty More!

Listening to the radio yesterday, I heard someone being interviewed regarding salary negotiations say to the interviewer "They expect to have their cake and eat it too". I immediately thought, apart from what a stupid saying, isn't that what cake is for?

I get what the interviewee was saying, you can't have it all ways, but why can't you was my next thought. The world is a big place, there's plenty of opportunity for those who want it, there's more than enough to go around, one person can't have it all.

And yes, I get that some people may not be able to go and get what they want. It is sad that in today's world there are an increasing number of people that, for whatever reason, may not be able to excel. Perhaps then it is up to the majority of us to help those who cannot excel. I ask you this, wouldn't you be in a better position help those who can't get ahead if you excelled?

Don't allow others (or yourself) to hold you back. Provided you aren't doing anything illegal or unethical, then why shouldn't you have everything that you want.

Here's a quick guide that might help you;

• Have a think about what you want or where you want to be in five years. Ten years is probably too far ahead to look in this constant changing world.
• Work out what you have to do to get there - academic studies, gain practical experience, move to another company, read books, whatever it takes to gain the necessary knowledge, skills and attributes to achieve your goal.
• Then break the actions into smaller chunks, six to twelve month periods is a good guide, and take immediate action while it is fresh in your mind.

The biggest thing I believe is to remain open to new ideas and a new direction. Long gone are the days of adhering rigidly to your plan, opportunity comes in many forms and without time frames so be open to them. Modify your plan if need be but keep heading in a forward direction with the positive momentum that you started with.

There will be times when you get tired, when you wonder why you are working so hard for seemingly little reward, when you see others getting ahead who aren't working as hard as you are, when perhaps you will lose interest or become fatigued. That's natural.

Nothing comes easy and if it does, it never lasts. Take a break, reassess, refocus, and get back on track when you feel the urge and have the energy to do so.

The world is limitless. We put roadblocks on opportunity because our brain has a negative bias. We start to question ourselves, to question our abilities, to question the timing, and we make up things that aren't even there before we have started.

We begin to look at the risks rather than the rewards. We look at the immediate risks rather than the long-term gains.

My question for you is "What are you waiting for?" There is no starting line, no right time, no one to say "Okay you are good to go". Now is the time to start. Not this year, not this month, not this week, today. Sit down right now and work out what you want, how you are going to get there and then take action, today.

What are you waiting for? Of course you can have your cake and eat it, and there's plenty more once you have finished that piece.