Ten Things To Support Resilience

Here are another ten things that you can do to support your resilience when things aren't going as well as they could;

1.      See things for what they are - Your brain will try to exaggerate problems, don't let it. Keep things in perspective. So often when things go wrong we get stuck in this position and can't see a way forward. Break problems into small bits and move forward as quickly as you can.

2.     Don't criticise yourself - If you make a mistake, acknowledge it and move on. Don't use self-talk (talk to that person inside your head) to harbour guilt, regret, or to disparage yourself. Focus on what you can do to repair any damage or just put it down to one of life's lessons and learn from it.

3.     Find what matters - When things get all too busy in your life, don't try and take on everything. Work out a plan of what you can and can't do in your available time, what does and doesn't matter to you, and what you need to let go of. Focus on doing a few things really well.

4.     Delegate - If you have too much on your plate, delegate. Get others to help you, they will enjoy the opportunity of doing so and you will feel rewarded.

5.     Focus on end results - When you are buried in work, focus on the finish line. Visualise the exhilaration of completing the onerous task and the time that you will have to do other things once you have finished.

6.     Take time out for you - Spending just five minutes alone each day can recharge your batteries for a full day. Sit in a quiet space, no phones, no sounds, just silence. 

7.     Be in the present - We tend to hold on to guilt and regret and cannot see the future. Being in the moment overcomes this. A recent study showed that the simple task of eating a raisin could lower your stress levels. Touch it, smell it, roll it between your fingers, bite into it, taste it, chew it. Well, you get the picture. This distracts your brain from negative thoughts and heightens your senses.

8.     Take an interest in others - Get actively involved in what others are doing. Explore what they are doing and feed off their self-interest. 

9.     Try different things - Our brain needs to be kept well-fed with ‘thoughts’ otherwise it will look for problems. Try new things to generate excitement for your brain. This will also increase your self-confidence and happiness levels.

10.   Create strong relationships - People are the most important 'things' in our lives. Be around them, talk with them, and form as many strong relationships as you can. A problem shared is a problem halved!

Write It Down For Success

When struggling with a problem or difficult decision, a way that I have found works for me is to write it down. Fully describe the problem, think intensely about it, and come up with as many solutions as you can. Writing something down removes emotions from the equation and allows your logic brain to operate.

Once you have written the problem and possible solutions down, examine what you have written.  If the right solution isn’t apparent or you haven’t identified a solution that you like, then forget about it.  Go and do something else, something that involves exercise is best.  When you least expect it the solution will come to you. 

How many times have you been doing something else and a solution or idea pops into your head?  Often I bet.  Solutions and ideas come to us when we aren’t thinking about them because our subconscious keeps working on the problem once we have written them down. 

Additionally, our brain 'strains' itself when we are concentrating hard on something and when it relaxes the brain reaches deeper into our creative side where the ideas are stored.   

Ideas also flow when we are asleep or in the shower.  Why is that, it’s because our brain is the most relaxed during these situations plus it is also distracted by other things.  Distracting the brain when we worry stops it going into the 'spin cycle'.  Relaxation also causes dopamine to be released into the brain and assists with creativity.   

When we are asleep our brain defrags like a computer during REM sleep.  As it defrags it is putting the pieces of our day into an ordered fashion, placing files in the correct pockets of our file cabinet (our brain).  If the file doesn’t quite fit somewhere comfortably our brain will want to know why and will work to find the correct folder, the solution. 

We are at our most relaxed in the shower and water is also a cleanser.  Again our creative chemical dopamine is released into the brain during a shower.  

So why does writing something down help?  Science tells us that when we write something down our reticular activating system (RAS) is triggered.  The RAS is a filter for our brain that prioritises what we need to focus on.   

Ever wondered why successful people achieve their goals, it’s because they write them down.  Not electronically, but with pen and paper.  Our subconscious mind doesn’t recognise electronic devices because they haven’t been around long enough whereas we have been using sticks and ink for millions of years. 

Goals must be hand-written, not typed.  Our sub-conscious shrugs its shoulders at modern devices.  In fact most of our hard-wired brain programming comes from these early times.

Once you have written out your goals, forget about them. If you continue to focus on your goals they remain in the forefront of your mind and your subconscious won't have the opportunity to help you to achieve them.

The next time you are struggling with something or want to achieve a goal, write it down.

When logic doesn't work, go with your heart.

Hear, Care and Share

Sometimes we just need someone to speak with who will not judge us for what we say. Be that person.

Conversations To Reconnect

Infrequently we will come across a person who we do not get along with no matter how much we try. That's just the way it is. However, sometimes we need to work with that person in our vocation or we just want (need) to reconnect with them following conflict.

If we do not reconnect after a conflict we harbour emotions such as guilt, regret, anger, loathing and sometimes jealousy. These feelings continue to niggle away at us and will exaggerate overtime if left without closure.

One person has to make the first move so why should that person not be you? Our brain will tell us that we are more important than the other person and that is 'them' who should make the first move. Ignore your emotional brain, that's your mind messing with you.

If you feel that you were at fault, simply apologise and move on. In saying that you don't always have to apologise, nor should you if you haven't said or done anything to apologise for.

Here are some sentences that you might want to try which will help to reconnect you with the other person involved in the conflict;

·        "We both have a commitment to ....., and it is important that we work together on it."

·        "Let's look at how we can work together to move forward on ....."

·        "I'd like to hear again what you have to say on...."

·        "I know that we see things differently, let's sit and articulate these differences so that we hear each other’s perspective."

·        "I would appreciate your input into this matter as your view is important."

·        "How would you like to proceed from here?"

Notice that none of the sentences use the word 'why' and the focus is on moving forward. Clarify the differences and move on.