Just Say NO.

We are all busy and it seems that we are getting busier by the day. Some of us enjoy this while others are negatively impacted. Often we don't want to disappoint someone else so we tend to say "yes' when asked to do something. Unfortunately this desire to help, or rather not to disappoint, might be detrimental to our wellbeing.

Saying "yes" may be important to you so keep doing so if you can do the work to the best of your ability without it impacting on you. However, if you are saying yes because not doing so might make you look bad, appear selfish or unlikable, or that you just don't have the gumption to say "no" then here are a couple of tips that might help;

·        Delay the decision - Tell the person that you just need time overnight to sort out your other commitments. This will give you time and distance to make the decision plus the bonus of making you look like you are in control of your workload.

·        As yourself "Do I really want to do this?" - If the answer is no then you should say so. You don't have to be that blunt with your reply, say something like "I am flattered that you have asked me however I have so much on at the moment that I simply cannot give it my best."

·        Clarify the timeline - If it is something that you want to do then clarify the timeline. Does the task have to be completed immediately or is there the opportunity to extend the timeframe.

·        Can someone else complete the task - You may be the right person but there will be others who are just as good as you. It is important for businesses to spread their workload so offer up another name who you know can do the task. 

·        If it's your boss asking – Outline to your boss the many tasks that you have yet to complete and ask him or her which one they would like you to concentrate on first. They may not know how much work you have to undertake.

Remember that you need down time to do things to relax. Saying "no" can be difficult, more so if you have got into the habit of saying "yes". Know that saying "no" can also be exhilarating. Your brain will eventually thank you for saying it.

Optimism Vs Pessimism

I don't have to tell you that optimists fare better than pessimists in any situation. There have been so many studies conducted over the years espousing the benefits of looking on the bright side of things that you cannot deny that it is better to be an optimist than a pessimist.

While worry is partly genetic, pessimism has little to do with your genes. (In fact, the new science of epigenetics has discovered that genes are not actually set in stone, they are more like dimmer switches and can be turned up or down by environmental factors.) Optimism is more of a personality trait and can vary, even in twins. 

The perspective you currently take is most likely due to your response to things that have happened to you. While you can't change your past, you can change your beliefs.

A study at Concordia University found that optimists have lower baseline levels of stress hormones compared to pessimists, and they are more able to regulate hormone levels in stressful situations.

Optimists are less likely to experience depression and anxiety. Optimists are also more likely to live longer than pessimists.

Cynicism, a trait often found in emergency service workers such as the police, often goes hand-in-hand with pessimism. Those with higher levels of cynicism, known as hostile cynicism, increase their risk of dementia by three times. Yikes, I was a cynical cop.

I could go on and on about this stuff but you get the picture. The good news is that you can train yourself to be happy. If it is more of a personality trait then it can be changed. Even if pessimism was genetic research tells us that you can change it by changing your environment. You also do so by changing your perception.

Sir Winston Churchill said "The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity, the optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty." 

Early research at the Positive Psychology Centre at the University of Pennsylvania indicates that you can change your thoughts which can change your perception which can change you from being a pessimist to an optimist.

What are you waiting for, become an optimist. Think only positive thoughts, look at the bright side of things, see only opportunity, and learn from your mistakes.

10 Reality Checks For Negative Thoughts

Yesterday I talked about one way that we can become stressed, through our thoughts. So often our thoughts are distorted by our attitude and perception of a situation. This comes from what we have experienced over time. If you have a negative thought about a situation then it will influence your perception and impact your attitude.

One way that I have found to control my thoughts is to write down the situation that I am struggling with. When we write something down we don't tend to write how we 'feel' about it, we just write down the facts. 

For example, you think that you may be about to get fired from your job. Your brain will tell you that your world is about to end and you begin to feel terrible. You think in your head - 'I am about to get fired and because of that my life is falling apart'. If you write the same problem down on a piece of paper, you tend to write "I am about to get fired". You leave out the emotional response part.

When you write the problem down your brain will go straight into problem solving mode and the next thing you find is that you are writing down ways to overcome the problem - "I will get a better job". Additionally, your subconscious will become engaged because you have written it down and it will work on the problem for you while you are doing something else.

Here are nine other ways to put the issue into perspective;

·        Ask yourself - Is this really as bad as I think it is? What is the worst that can happen? Will it matter in a month or a year? 

·        Know that our brain exaggerates things to help us, your reaction is always an overreaction.

·        We all make mistakes, don't harbour guilt or regret. Move on quickly.

·        If appropriate, make a joke about the situation. This will have less of an impact on your negative emotions.

·        We can't please everyone. If you have been criticised for something remind yourself that it is just their opinion, just one person.

·        A situation is rarely the fault of one person, look at the bigger picture.

·        Don't avoid a problem, get on and fix it. If we leave it for too long the problem just grows in our mind and we can then add procrastination to the pile of bad thoughts.

·        The world sometimes isn't fair, try to see it that way. It is how you respond to a situation that makes you who you are. Respond as best you can in the situation then know that you have done your best.

·        Never fret if you don't reach perfection for perfection in your eyes may not be the same in another person’s eyes or it may be more than they ever expected. We are all different.

Stress Is What You Think It Is!

Having been diagnosed with accumulated stress disorder in 1995 (I am okay now just in case you are wondering/worried/afraid) I set out to find out what it was that caused my 'disorder'. Who was responsible for doing this to me and how can I stop them from doing it to others?

Turns out is all in my head. What, you mean I did this to myself? How could that be? American philosopher and psychologist William James (died in 1910) knew this, he said "The greatest weapon against stress is the ability to choose one thought over another". 

If you think that you are stressed you are, or soon will be if you keep thinking that way. A good way to look at things is to determine the difference between pressure and stress. 

Pressure - This is what is imposed on us - deadlines, commitments, heavy workload, and lots to do.

Stress - The way that we react to pressure. Importantly, the way we think about pressure.

Here's another way of explaining it. You may be sitting in a meeting, watching a boring presentation, (not one of mine of course) sitting at your desk, or doing something that you aren't enjoying. Your brain wonders off and you all of a sudden you start thinking about something enjoyable coming up later that day or later in the week. You may even think back to a past holiday that you enjoyed.

Instantly your mood lifts, you feel invigorated, and your mind comes back to the present and you are re-engaged in the meeting, presentation or your work. What's changed around you, nothing. What’s changed inside you, everything. 

You are as stressed as you think you are. A lot of this stuff has to do with your attitude and perspective. It's how we look at things, with a positive mood or a negative one. Change your thoughts to positive ones and your mood will lift. It is really that simple for most of us.

There are exceptions of course, sometimes stress is due to a chemical imbalance or some other internal anomaly. But generally, stress comes from our personal viewpoint. I wish that someone had told me this in 1998!

Tomorrow I will offer more suggestions on changing your perspective and maybe later in the week on how to reduce pressure.

Energy Stimulants Are Addictive

Stressful events occur throughout the day and they often go unnoticed by us. Stuck in traffic, being late for work, an encounter with an angry customer, a fight at home, all are stressful events. Even a negative thought about something bad that happened years ago can produce the same result. Research suggests that when we are stuck in traffic we produce enough adrenalin to run a mile. 

If you combine a single negative thought with low blood sugar then adrenalin really starts pumping. This results in the body using energy otherwise utilised to repair itself and instead all energy goes into constantly pumping out hormones to control blood sugar levels that you don't need to use. Because of this we become tired, irritable, can't sleep, etc., etc.

To compensate for the loss in energy we turn to stimulants such as sugar, coffee, tea, chocolate, and alcohol. Smoking also increases for those who smoke. These are things that need to be cut out of our diet and replaced with foods that I described in yesterday's post. So how do you give these addictive substances up?

The answer is, 'slowly'. If you cut everything out all at once your body will over-compensate for the reduction and guess what, you are back to producing even more adrenalin. As we have discussed, it takes 40 to 80 days to change a habit. Eating the wrong foods can also be a habit (and a craving) so it is going to take you a while.

Don’t despair though if you can’t give up some of these stimulants, that will only add to your stress levels and to producing even greater amounts of adrenalin.

Here are a few more dietary tips to help you overcome the use of stimulants;

• Unrefined, slow-releasing whole carbohydrate foods such as wholegrains, vegetables, and fruit.
• Combine carbohydrates with protein-rich foods.
• Eat regularly at the same time each day and don’t skip a meal.