Running Effective Meetings

Many books have been written about how to prepare for meetings but few talk about emotions. It is important to prepare no matter what type of meeting you are going into but just as important as getting the material ready is the need to control your emotions.

When you enter meetings, whether you are running it or not, your emotions are going to be heightened. It may be you are excited, apprehensive or fearful. Your heart will be racing and adrenalin surging. Take a long, slow, deep breath. Hold your breath once you inhale to slow your heartbeat. Walk into the meeting standing tall which will give you confidence. Victims of crime are chosen because they walk hunched over, don’t be a victim. If you have a small part to play in the meeting stay alert regardless as complacency or boredom often lead to silly statements.

Have a glass of water handy and sip from it regularly. When we get nervous our mouth dries because our metabolic energy from our digestive system – the salivary glands are part of the digestive system – is sent to your muscles for energy. Just watch out for shaking hands when you go for that drink, spilling the glass or missing your mouth is embarrassing.

Another interesting point about taking a sip of water, it distracts your brain from defending yourself. When we are nervous our neurons rush to our aid by sending alerts to our physiological system. You can’t stop it and you wouldn’t want to because this hardwired response keeps us alert (and alive). But you can control this response. By taking a drink of water we have to think about the action then take the action. Doing this distracts some of our neurons to enable us to pick up the glass, enough to control our nerves.

You can also distract your brain in other ways. Pick something up and put it down again. Move an object on your desk, slide your chair in and out, any physical action that interrupts your thought of being nervous.

I am not a fan of stress balls by the way, those little rubber soft squishy (is that a word?) furry balls. If we squeeze them every time we get anxious or brain familiarises itself with that action. You may recall an experiment where Ivan Pavlov rang a bell prior to feeding dogs. Dogs salivate before eating. Pavlov would ring the bell, the dogs would know that food was soon to arrive and would salivate profusely. In time, the dogs would salivate at the sound of the bell despite no food being present. In a similar way, if you were to inadvertently pick up the stress ball and start squeezing it your brain will think that you are under stress and you will become anxious.

Lastly, if you are running a meeting please keep it short. We are all very busy and sitting in a meeting for hours is a waste of all of our valuable time. Have an agenda and strictly adhere to times.  Stay on track, ideas flow more freely when we have a time restriction.

You Want to Meet Where?

Most workplaces operate in an open plan environment therefore have breakout rooms in which to hold meetings. Often we use the same meeting rooms for all manner of workplace discussions including performance management meetings, debriefs, and counselling. If the meeting room is in view of the employee’s work colleagues then this can affect their ability to hear your message.

When the same room is used solely for performance and formal meetings where discussions are centred on improvement then it may not be such an issue. Just be aware that the employee is wondering (worrying) more about whether they are in trouble than what you are saying. The message is lost because of heightened emotions. That’s why it is important to get your message out early.

An often used technique in performance improvement meetings was the praise sandwich, sometimes called the s**t sandwich. The reason for the latter phrase is because the bad part of the conversation is discussed between two good things. What happens when you use this technique is that the person hears only the good things that they are doing, then you said something about what they could do better and then you said something good. Guess what the person hears, “I’m doing really well”. Forget the praise sandwich, get to the point. What are they doing wrong, what is the result, and how can they improve. Short and simple. It’s about the way that you deliver the message not the message itself that will annoy people so work out how you are going to deliver your message before the meeting.

If you are meeting to discuss a personal issue with the employee, your message will definitely get lost if you use the same room as you do for performance meetings. The employee thinks that they are entering the room for a performance discussion only to be told that you want to talk to them about a personal issue. While well-intentioned, the employee's emotional state will increase due to relief and apprehension, relief that they aren't in trouble and apprehensive about what you are going to say.

Additionally, the employee will be wondering how they are going to explain to their colleagues that it wasn't a performance meeting you were discussing but a personal issue that the employee may not want to disclose. Then there is the problem of what the colleagues are thinking if the employee doesn't disclose what the meeting was about - is it good or bad, does it affect me, am I going to lose my job? If the employee exits the room in tears, you can double the emotional impact on everyone.

To overcome this dilemma, try to hold meetings in a variety of breakout rooms and preferably out of sight of other employees. Definitely don't hold meetings of a personal nature in the room where you hold other meetings, meet off site in an informal setting such as a Café. This will ensure the employee is not so stressed and if they become emotional their colleagues won't see.

I CAN'T SLEEP!

If you are active in your work and home life, your brain will always be working hard and won’t slow down at night. Here are some tips that may be helpful;

• When you have finished work, you need to tell your brain that it is time to stop. You can do so by having some form of practical action accompanied with a mantra to get your physiology & psychology (body & brain) working together. When you arrive home, as you turn the door handle to enter your house, say to yourself “work is over”, “I am home”, or “time to relax”. Some statement that tells your brain that it is time to stop and helps differentiate work from home. Do this for 66 days (sorry, it takes that long to change your pattern of behaviour) and you will find in due course that just by opening the door your brain will automatically switch to ‘home mode’.

• Go for a walk in the evening to calm your brain.
• Exercise creates endorphins which helps you to sleep so get some form of exercise daily during the working week. 30 minutes medium-to-high energy walk is enough.
• If you can, get out in the sun for half an hour each day – don’t use sunblock as you need to absorb vitamin D plus this will help build your melatonin levels which is needed at night for you to go to sleep.
• Don’t use any electronic devices (phone, i-Pad, e-reader, etc.) at least one hour before bedtime. Your brain will think that you are back at work and the back-light doesn’t help much either.
• Make sure your room is completely dark – we used to live in caves that were really dark so your brain is accustomed to total blackness at night.
• Have a hot shower 30 minutes before bedtime. As the brain cools, it sends a signal to that it is night-time.
• When you are in bed, don’t have too many blankets on. If you feel a little cold, that is good. The brain needs to cool down for you to sleep. Too many blankets = too hot = brain won’t stop = bad dreams = argh!
• Your brain will be rushing as you become anxious at trying to get to sleep and not achieving the goal. Your brain hates to lose. If you can do so, try to think about nothing. To do this, look into the darkness of your closed eyes and keep looking at it intensely. That is the best method of slowing your brain. If you can’t do that then think of something pleasant and stay focused on that one thing. It could be a beach, a river, even a tree. If it is a tree, look at the branches, then then leaves, then the veins on the leaf, then the holes in the leaf. The idea is to distract your brain from thinking about the fact that you can’t sleep. Your mind will keep going back to the fact that you can’t sleep, when this happens stop your thoughts and go back to your ‘happy place’.
• If you get up in the night, don’t turn the light on. To your brain, light equals daytime.
• We go through 2 to 3 REM cycles per night, each cycle gets deeper. If you had a bad night, you have probably slept but only had one REM cycle. Our brain de-frags during REM sleep.
• Don’t continually worry about not getting enough sleep. If you are struggling to get to sleep after a week or two then go and get some expert advice. Worrying about sleep puts your brain in the wrong head-space when you eventually do go to bed.

Sweet dreams.

Will You Be My Friend?

Yesterday I had three meetings to further my business prospects.  Two meetings were with people I had planned to meet as I already had been in contact with them through previous contact, one meeting came out of nowhere.

I was reluctant to go to that particular meeting as I had not meet the young lady and it seemed to me that the meeting was probably a waste of time for us both.  However, I learned many years ago before I commenced my own business that you just never know where these meetings may take you.

The meeting yesterday originated from LinkedIn. After connecting, we exchanged a couple of messages and left it at that.  Because there was this connection, I was again contacted by Maria who thought I might like to work for one of her clients.  I was reluctant to meet, "I don't think she has any idea of what I do" I told myself.

On the day of our meeting I received a message from Maria saying that her client was reconsidering his position and did I want to delay the meeting until she had confirmation to proceed.  No, let's meet anyway.  This was my chance to tell her that she is way off track, I have no interest in what her client is offering, but thanks anyway.

We met.  Maria immediately said that she did not think I was the right person for her client and went off on a slight tangent to what the meeting was originally organised for.  What transpired was that there was synergy with my work and that of her client and there is a possible opportunity of working collaboratively in the future.

Will I meet with this client, you bet. You just never know where these things will lead you.  So, extend your network, go to that meeting, and talk to as many people as you can.  Plant the seed and you will grow. 

Are You In Control?

Regardless of the type of communication that you find difficult, you will be pleased to know that there is an easy way of controlling what you say and how you say it if you adhere to a few simple rules.  The most difficult communication is of course our response to someone who criticises us or our work.  For those who have followed my blog you will know how to do this already.   

Maintain your self-control, don’t get mad or frustrated, and trust your instinct more so than your head. Why? When someone says something that irks us, we have an automatic emotion alert mechanism that is linked to our fight or flight response.  Your neurons will race across to the right side of the brain therefore any logic thought stemming from your frontal lobe has vanished.  As your emotions are heightened your brain will be sending the wrong signals, albeit doing so in your defence. 

Rule one – don’t say the first thing that comes into your head because it is always wrong.  Go with your gut instinct, not your head.  Know that it is actually your head that gives you your gut instinct, it’s just a different part of your brain that isn’t affected by emotions. 

Rule two – Take a deep breath, make it a quiet breath though. Getting oxygen to your brain is important so that you can think clearly.  Oxygenated blood is thinner than blood containing cortisol which was released into your blood when you got angry.  The neurons (electrical signals) will work better in thin blood. Taking a breath will also allow you time to think about what to say.

Rule three – Maintain a clam external demeanour. 55% of communication is non-verbal so if you clench your fists or fold your arms you will look like you are ready to fight.

Rule four - Your tone of voice and volume must be controlled.  The way something is said is five times more important than what is actually said, even more so if the communication is over the phone.  If you raise your voice, the other person will raise there’s. Keep your tone and volume just under the other person’s level and they will come down to your level.  

Lastly, you are the most important person but it is important that they don’t see this.  Be humble and you will be respected for your ability to communicate effectively while under attack.