Emotions - How to keep them under control

Why do we get so angry when we someone says something that we disagree with yet dismiss something else they have said that may have been equally as hurtful?  Why are we often stuck for words when we become angry?  Why do we say hurtful things which we immediately regret?  Emotions are the reason.

Emotions are what sets us apart as humans.  They allow us to connect, allow us to read a situation.  Emotions can be just as destructive as they can be rewarding.  Even the most hardened criminal has emotions unless of course they are psychotic.  In that case they were born with emotions and unfortunately lost them through ill-treatment during their upbringing.

During the day, we ride the roller coaster of emotions, from the excited highs to the desperate lows.  So how do we keep emotions under check?  How do we avoid saying something that we later regret. Positive emotions are what we need the most of to keep positive thoughts feeding into our brains.  Our brains are wired to think negative thoughts therefore positive emotions allow us to re-wire the brain to stop focusing on the destructive negative thoughts.

Whenever you are in a situation where negative emotions are running high, control them by taking a long slow deep breath.  Avoid saying the first thing that comes into your head, think about what you are going to say while taking the deep breath.  If this doesn't work, change your position by either stepping sideways, standing tall, or moving in some way to distract your brain for a split second to avoid the neurons heading to the negative side of the brain.

So How do I Get Over Negative Events Quickly

The most effective method of overcoming disappointments or negative events is to concentrate on the positive aspects of what occurred and not dwell on the negative factors.  In simple terms, the longer we focus on something - either positive or negative - the more our brain becomes programmed to think about a particular thought because our neurons link together to form a 'thought highway'.  So, the faster you dismiss the negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones, the less emotional impact a negative event has on us.  Remember, you control your brain and not the opposite.

Don't get Mad, Take the Higher Ground

When you are faced with a situation where you have felt aggrieved in some way, either by what someone did or said to you, don't let it hurt you or let it get you down.  Certainly don't get angry or attempt to 'get even'.  Take the higher ground by being humble and respectful.  We humans like to be first, always winning, on top, the best, number one, etc.  We definitely don't like being belittled, shouted at, or in some way have our feelings hurt.  Take a long slow (silent) deep breath, thank the person for telling you how they feel and pause to see what they say back. You will be pleasantly surprised at the reaction.

Look for Opportunities

So often when we are faced with adversity we look at the event from a negative perspective.  Why is this happening, what is going to happen now, what if this happens, I am a good person so why me?  Don't panic, these negative thoughts are natural and is your brain's way of preparing for the worst stemming back to the beginning of time - linked to our freeze, fight or flee self-preservation mechanism.  These are just thoughts and thoughts are easily changed because YOU control them.

When you next have a negative thought, replace it with a positive one.  "This is exciting, I am going to step up to this challenge, I am going to tackle this head-on" are all ways to replace negative thoughts.

Does Resilience Coaching Work?

Of course resilience coaching works.  Coaching to build resilience is a fairly recent field of psychology that is being embraced by many organisations across the world.  Rather than focus on putting the pieces back together after a significant event in a persons life, resilience coaching is the fence at the top of the cliff preventing the negative impact of a significant event.  The US Army launched a resilience training program in 2008 under the stewardship of Martin Seligman, the man who pioneered depression prevention.  Known as Master Resilience Training (MRT) it is mandatory for all soldiers to attend.  With over 14,000 trainers, over one million soldiers are now trained in the art of resilience.