Before we can understand other people, we must first understand what’s happening inside us.
Our triggers are nervous system responses. For people with ADHD, and there are plenty of us out there, those responses can arrive fast, intensely and before conscious thought.
That’s why self‑understanding comes before self‑control. When we don’t recognise our triggers, we project them onto others.
In my workshops, we explore how the nervous system learns through approaches like gradual exposure, desensitisation and staying present with our discomfort.
Each method teaches the same message: I can notice what’s happening in me and remain regulated.
When someone manages a trigger differently, the brain rewards that success with dopamine.
For ADHD brains, that reinforcement is quite powerful. It builds motivation, confidence and reduces reactivity over time.
In a workshop yesterday, I was asked whether managing triggers could also be used to manage RSD.
RSD, commonly associated with ADHD, is an intense emotional response to perceived rejection or criticism. That word perceived is important.
Without self‑awareness, we assume the pain came from someone else’s intent.
With self‑understanding, we can pause and ask ourselves: What just got triggered in me?
Using the same trigger‑management principles, our nervous system learns that this hurts, but it isn’t dangerous.
Each success makes the next one easier.
We cannot regulate what we don’t understand, and we cannot relate well to others if we are disconnected from ourselves.
Managing triggers makes us more aware, and more connected.
From that place, understanding others becomes possible.
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Our Triggers Are Nervous System Responses!