Why Am I So Stupid?
It’s a question many of us ask ourselves.
In my workshops, I talk about how we speak to ourselves more than we speak to anyone else. And yet, the voice inside is often our harshest critic.
We beat ourselves up over mistakes. We worry endlessly. We feel like an imposter, even when we’re doing well.
We put ourselves under pressure that no one else would dare to apply.
Yet here’s the truth - this inner critic is designed to protect us. Our brains are hardwired to survive, not for happiness.
At the core of this wiring is the brain stem, the oldest part of the brain. Its job is simple, to keep us alive.
It scans for danger, reacts instantly, and doesn’t care about nuance. It’s where the fight, flight, or freeze response lives. And it’s always switched on.
When we experience stress, the brain stem kicks in before our rational brain (the prefrontal cortex) even has a chance to weigh in. That’s why we spiral into negative thoughts so quickly; it is a reaction, not an action.
Neuroscience shows that negative thinking is sticky. It activates the amygdala, floods us with cortisol, and shuts down the parts of the brain responsible for logic, empathy, and creativity. It’s a loop that’s hard to break because it’s designed to be hard to break.
Worse still, our brains have a negativity bias – we remember criticism more than praise, fear more than joy. This bias was useful when danger lurked around every corner. But today, it means we’re constantly fighting ourselves.
So, how do we stop this cycle?
We don’t fight it, we retrain it:
🧠 Mindfulness can help us notice the spiral before it takes over.
💬 Self-compassion calms the brain stem and activates the soothing system.
🧩 Cognitive reframing rewires the neural pathways, replacing fear with fact.
You’re not stupid.
You’re not broken.
You’re human, with a brain that’s doing its best to keep you safe.
Start communicating with yourself like you matter, because you do.
Let’s talk!
Why Am I So Stupid!