As a crisis negotiator, there’s a moment I’ll never forget: the long, lonely walk towards someone standing on the wrong side of a bridge’s handrail, contemplating whether to jump.
That walk is desperately lonely. Every step is filled with fear; wondering what to say, what if I say the wrong thing, what if it doesn’t go well, what if they jump, will I be blamed?
Add to this the fact that I was living with depression myself, with at least one serious ideation in my past.
The voice in my head would sometimes urge me to “go higher” to ease the pain. It’s a desperate time.
But here’s the thing: many of us have that same long, lonely walk.
It might not have been on a bridge. It could be wanting to tell your partner the relationship is over, waiting for the doctor to give you the diagnosis you’ve feared, or being called to the boss’s office, knowing your job no longer exists.
All of these situations, and so many more, create that same lonely agonising feeling.
It doesn’t have to be a matter of life and death. The long, lonely walk can arrive at any time our brain thinks we need to be on high alert.
The stomach ties itself in knots, so tight that it hurts. The heart pounds so hard it feels like it might break through your chest. Our mouth goes so dry that you fear you won’t be able to speak.
We’ve all had that feeling, the feeling of extreme fear in what is otherwise everyday life.
So, how do we control those unnecessary thoughts?
How do we bring our heart rate down, loosen the knot in our stomach, and steady our voice?
Start by breathing out!
When we’re anxious, we tend to hold our breath or breathe shallowly. This activates our sympathetic nervous system, putting us on high alert.
A long, slow exhale signals to the brain that we’re safe, activating the parasympathetic nervous system, our natural ‘calm down’ switch.
Then, breathe in and out as slowly as possible. Forget counting, your brain will remain active if you count.
The long, lonely walk is part of being human. But you don’t have to walk it alone, and you don’t have to be ruled by fear.
With a few simple tools, you can steady yourself. Ready to receive the news, ready to do the right thing, ready to accept change, and maybe even feel a spark of hope for what comes next.
When in doubt, simply breathe out. Try it right now.
Let’s talk!
The Long Lonely Walk!