This will be the last in this series of talking about suicide. I want to dispel a few myths about suicidal ideations, thoughts of killing oneself. If you are feeling this way, I implore you to seek help from an expert. Go and see your doctor, a psychologist, or a psychotherapist. Counsellors may also be able to help.
I had thoughts of killing myself when I was unwell, and it is damn scary. I was lucky, I walked straight out the door to get help and it saved my life.
I have since been researching why we have these thoughts and how to prevent them. The explanations were wide and varied, most explaining that it is a response to the current situation you find yourself in - from depression to bipolar, loss of work and/or relationship, overwhelming feelings of guilt and regret - the list goes on.
For me, I got tired of fighting the dark thoughts and my brain said "Here's a way out of the pain." It was a series of small fleeting thoughts, then I had a massive ideation. Because I was at work, because I knew I was unwell, because I had just become a crisis negotiator and realised what was going on, and because I was lucid enough to know what was happening, I avoided taking action on the thought.
The thought was so real that it seemed like a realistic option.
Research suggests that most adults have experienced at least a glimpse of thinking about killing themselves over their lifetime. Maybe so, but it doesn't help those who are having these thoughts.
It is, in my humble opinion, essentially a reaction to a terrible situation as part of the fight-or-flight response. You are not going crazy, you are simply going through a natural reaction to an intense situation. It's not the end for you, it is merely the bottom and now time for a new beginning.
The good news, it is recoverable and preventable.
If you have been reading my posts regularly, you will know the answer already. Talking. Tell someone, talk about it, seek help. It is that simple. Or maybe not so easy because often when we are unwell we don't know what is going on inside our heads. That's why it is important to seek help.
To use an analogy, if you have a serious medical condition you tell someone, talk to your friends, search the internet, and go and get help. Suicidal ideations are no different to a serious medical condition, go and get help, NOW.
You are normal, you are special, and you are worth it. Don't feel as though you have failed, there are some things that we need help with. This is one of those situations.