What I Learned in 45 Years of Marriage That Transfers To Business.

Today is the Ides of March and marks 45 years of marriage to Donna. Forty-five years is a testament to the love, commitment, and partnership we have shared.

Reflecting on our journey together, here are some heartfelt lessons that resonate with me, both in my personal life and in our business:

1. Don’t Let Dates in History Determine Your Path: When we set our wedding date, I was warned against the Ides of March due to its historical connotations. But we've shown that dates are just markers in time, and it's the love and effort you put into each day that truly matter.

2. Communication is Imperative: Clear and honest communication is the cornerstone of any strong relationship. Taking the time to explain your thoughts and feelings reduces tension and builds understanding, both at home and in the workplace.

3. Sincerity Matters: Being sincere about your thoughts and feelings fosters trust and authenticity. Whether in marriage or business, sincerity helps build genuine connections and respect.

4. Be Flexible: Marriage teaches that it's not just about you; it's about both partners. Flexibility and compromise are essential, as they ensure that both parties feel valued and heard. The same applies in business, where considering multiple perspectives leads to better decisions.

5. Mutual Respect and Support: A foundation of mutual respect and support creates a collaborative and productive environment. In both marriage and business, this leads to stronger, more resilient partnerships.

6. Never Go to Bed on an Argument: Resolving issues before bedtime ensures a peaceful rest and a fresh start the next day. In business, addressing conflicts promptly can prevent them from escalating and maintain a positive atmosphere.

7. It’s Okay to Disagree: Disagreements are natural, but it's important to handle them respectfully and provide valid reasons for your perspective. This approach engenders healthy discussions and solutions in both personal and professional settings.

8. There Will Be Difficult Times: Life is full of ups and downs, and it's during the tough times that reflection and growth occur. Embracing challenges together strengthens your bond and builds strength.

9. Apologies Are Important: Being the first to apologise, even when you feel you haven't erred, shows humility and a willingness to mend relationships. In business, this attitude can defuse tensions and promote a culture of accountability.

10. Celebrate the Milestones: Acknowledging and celebrating milestones, no matter how small, keeps the journey exciting and motivating. In business, celebrating achievements boosts morale and encourages continued effort.

Just like a lasting marriage, a successful business thrives on strong partnerships, humility, and continuous effort.

Never take things for granted, always strive to be your best, and remember to stay humble. My journey with Donna is a beautiful reminder of these timeless principles. 💖

Let’s talk!

Where Has Our Attention Span Gone?

I doubt that anyone can disagree that our attention span has diminished in recent times.

Recent research shows the average attention span for tasks requiring sustained focused is estimated to be between 8:00 to 12:00 seconds!

This poses a significant risk to safety in those environments where attention for long periods is imperative – pilots, construction, first responders, forestry, farming, etc.

Our attention span can be influenced by age, environment, and the type of task we are undertaking.

Plus, the increasing use of digital devices and the constant bombardment of information results in difficulty in maintaining prolonged focus.

In our busy world, several factors occur:
➡️ Digital overload – the continuous inflow of information from our devices, social media and the internet can overwhelm our brains thus making it harder to focus on a single task for long periods.
➡️ Multitasking – constantly switching between tasks can reduce our ability to concentrate on one thing at a time which leads to a fragmented attention span.
➡️ Instant gratification – the immediate rewards we get from digital media, such as scrolling, likes and notifications, can condition our brains to seek quick short-term rewards rather than long-term focus.
➡️ Neuroplasticity – our brains are highly adaptable, and the way we use them changes their structure and function. Constant exposure to fast-paced, fragmented information trains our brains to process information in shorter bursts.
➡️ Stress and fatigue - high levels of stress and fatigue can impair cognitive functions, including attention and focus.

How can we improve our attention span? Here are some strategies to help you enhance our focus:
👉 Take regular breaks – working for 25 minutes and then taking a 5-minute break.
👉 Minimise distractions – create a workspace that is free from distractions, and turn off notifications from social media.
👉 Stay organised – keep a list of tasks and prioritise them to reduce the mental clutter that can lead to a wandering mind.
👉 Practice single-tasking – focus on one task at a time instead of multitasking and get rewarded with dopamine at the completion; slow is smooth, smooth is fast!
👉 Set clear goals: Having clear goals can provide direction and motivation making it easier to stay focused.

Doing the above will increase our attention span, leading us to increased productivity, less risk, reduced stress and a much happier you!

Let's talk!

What About When Counselling Is Over?

At the conclusion of counselling for trauma, we often find ourselves in a void of nothingness, asking, "What now?"

There are several steps you can take to continue your journey of self-improvement, adding value to the counselling you've received.

One primary method is talking about what happened. Each time we do, we delve deeper into our memory, releasing more of the emotion that holds the memory in place.

However, many people feel they've talked enough or are reluctant to discuss their trauma with anyone other than a counsellor.

While working on my book, Anxiety is A Worry, I discovered research suggesting that writing about trauma can also be beneficial.

Our brains are evolving in terms of connection. There was a time when radicalisation required face-to-face meetings; now, it can happen through videos. Similarly, online counselling, once unthinkable, has become a viable option.

Expressive writing remains a valuable tool for enhancing overall well-being. Start by writing everything you can about the incident that caused your trauma for 15-20 minutes a few times a week.

Don't worry about punctuation, spelling, or other forms of checking - it's the content that matters. Write about the smallest and greatest details; it makes no difference.

A meta-analysis of 31 studies involving over 4,000 participants found that expressive writing significantly reduces symptoms of depression, anxiety, and stress.

The timing of writing sessions is crucial, with shorter intervals between sessions yielding better outcomes.

If you want to know more about expressive writing, I've linked a great article in the comments from Frontiers in Psychology covering 40 years of analysis.

Let’s talk, or maybe write!

Look For The Positives

When I was in high school, I used to daydream a lot. So much so that I often attracted the ire of my teacher.

The high school I attended was only partially finished, with construction work continuing for the entire three years I was there.

Looking out the window at the builders instead of being attentive in class attracted me to join the construction industry when I left school at the age of 15.

With no qualifications except for a high grade in woodwork class, I couldn't wait to be free of the ongoing punishment dished out by, of all things, my woodwork teacher.

Dad said, like all dads did in those days, “You are not leaving school unless you get a trade.” So, I became a builder’s apprentice!

Here's what I learned about working in construction:
🔨 No job is ever what it seems: Looking from the outside, every job has its unseen fishhooks.
🔨 There is no certainty in construction: Inclement weather, market uncertainty, and the whims of government are just a few of the uncontrollable factors.
🔨 There is no security in construction: One day you may have a job, and the next it is gone, so often you must find work with another company.
🔨 The weather takes its toll: You are expected to work under the beating sun, in torrential rain, and even as it snows.
🔨 You will take a beating: You will lose more fingernails than you thought you could ever grow, back and shoulder injuries become the norm, and you will look 10 years older than you are.
🔨 You will get hurt: Injuries are a daily occurrence; safety measures do not prevent all accidents.
🔨 There will be lifetime damage to your body: Whether from dust, chemicals, loud noises, skin cancers, or dermatitis - the list is endless.
🔨 There is no time for perfection: The only way to make money is to build as much as you can and as fast as you can.
🔨 It is stressful: Deadlines, budgets, quality of work, and unexpected delays all add to the worries of being a builder.

We all have negatives in our jobs; therefore, it is finding the positives that matter the most and keep us going.

Building gave me a trade, something I have relied on my entire life. When buying or selling houses, when renovating our home, when helping colleagues fix their homes, and when helping construct something for the community.

Always look for the positives in your work, for the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.

Let’s talk!

Trauma.

If we think of trauma as a physical injury, when we go through a traumatic event it is like hitting our brain with a baseball bat.

It is important to seek professional help when working through trauma, there is nothing yet to substitute expert help when it comes to our brain.

Like all injuries, sometimes we fully recover, sometimes we are left with limited mobility, other times the recovery is ongoing.

There are some things that we can do to help ourselves to assist in our recovery that works alongside expert help.

Again, just like a physical injury, rest is important. To rest our brain, we can introduce a simple breathing technique – the six second rhythmic breathing.

Set a timer to beep at 6-second intervals, breathe in at the first beep and breathe out at the second. Slow your breathing right down so that you are fully breathing throughout the 6 seconds.

This will put you in the alpha zone which is the same as our body going into homeostasis which is the body's natural rhythm.

Breath in slowly at one beep until you hear the next beep then breathe out slowly until the next beep and so on.

Breathing in and out at 6-second intervals, often referred to as paced breathing, can have several benefits for your body and mind:
1.   Reducing Stress and Anxiety: This type of rhythmic breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps to calm the body and reduce stress levels
2.   Improves Heart Rate Variability (HRV): HRV is a measure of the variation in time between each heartbeat. Higher HRV is associated with better cardiovascular health and resilience to stress
3.   Enhances Focus and Concentration: By regulating your breathing, you can improve oxygen flow to the brain which can enhance cognitive function and concentration
4.   Promotes Relaxation and Better Sleep: Slow, deep breathing can help trigger the body's relaxation response, making it easier to fall asleep and improve sleep quality
5.   Balances the Nervous System: This breathing technique can help balance the autonomic nervous system, promoting a sense of inner calm and stability

If we count when we breathe our brain stays active which is the opposite of what we want to achieve with this technique.

When we count the brain will be anchored which reduces wandering thoughts. However, our brain will not fully relax if it is thinking about the counting.

The 6-second is a breathing technique that we cannot overdo. Start with doing this for 5 minutes daily with a goal of reaching 20 minutes each day.

You will be amazed at how effective this simple technique can be.

Let’s talk!