At the conclusion of counselling for trauma, we often find ourselves in a void of nothingness, asking, "What now?"
There are several steps you can take to continue your journey of self-improvement, adding value to the counselling you've received.
One primary method is talking about what happened. Each time we do, we delve deeper into our memory, releasing more of the emotion that holds the memory in place.
However, many people feel they've talked enough or are reluctant to discuss their trauma with anyone other than a counsellor.
While working on my book, Anxiety is A Worry, I discovered research suggesting that writing about trauma can also be beneficial.
Our brains are evolving in terms of connection. There was a time when radicalisation required face-to-face meetings; now, it can happen through videos. Similarly, online counselling, once unthinkable, has become a viable option.
Expressive writing remains a valuable tool for enhancing overall well-being. Start by writing everything you can about the incident that caused your trauma for 15-20 minutes a few times a week.
Don't worry about punctuation, spelling, or other forms of checking - it's the content that matters. Write about the smallest and greatest details; it makes no difference.
A meta-analysis of 31 studies involving over 4,000 participants found that expressive writing significantly reduces symptoms of depression, anxiety, and stress.
The timing of writing sessions is crucial, with shorter intervals between sessions yielding better outcomes.
If you want to know more about expressive writing, I've linked a great article in the comments from Frontiers in Psychology covering 40 years of analysis.
Let’s talk, or maybe write!
Look For The Positives
When I was in high school, I used to daydream a lot. So much so that I often attracted the ire of my teacher.
The high school I attended was only partially finished, with construction work continuing for the entire three years I was there.
Looking out the window at the builders instead of being attentive in class attracted me to join the construction industry when I left school at the age of 15.
With no qualifications except for a high grade in woodwork class, I couldn't wait to be free of the ongoing punishment dished out by, of all things, my woodwork teacher.
Dad said, like all dads did in those days, “You are not leaving school unless you get a trade.” So, I became a builder’s apprentice!
Here's what I learned about working in construction:
🔨 No job is ever what it seems: Looking from the outside, every job has its unseen fishhooks.
🔨 There is no certainty in construction: Inclement weather, market uncertainty, and the whims of government are just a few of the uncontrollable factors.
🔨 There is no security in construction: One day you may have a job, and the next it is gone, so often you must find work with another company.
🔨 The weather takes its toll: You are expected to work under the beating sun, in torrential rain, and even as it snows.
🔨 You will take a beating: You will lose more fingernails than you thought you could ever grow, back and shoulder injuries become the norm, and you will look 10 years older than you are.
🔨 You will get hurt: Injuries are a daily occurrence; safety measures do not prevent all accidents.
🔨 There will be lifetime damage to your body: Whether from dust, chemicals, loud noises, skin cancers, or dermatitis - the list is endless.
🔨 There is no time for perfection: The only way to make money is to build as much as you can and as fast as you can.
🔨 It is stressful: Deadlines, budgets, quality of work, and unexpected delays all add to the worries of being a builder.
We all have negatives in our jobs; therefore, it is finding the positives that matter the most and keep us going.
Building gave me a trade, something I have relied on my entire life. When buying or selling houses, when renovating our home, when helping colleagues fix their homes, and when helping construct something for the community.
Always look for the positives in your work, for the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.
Let’s talk!
Trauma.
If we think of trauma as a physical injury, when we go through a traumatic event it is like hitting our brain with a baseball bat.
It is important to seek professional help when working through trauma, there is nothing yet to substitute expert help when it comes to our brain.
Like all injuries, sometimes we fully recover, sometimes we are left with limited mobility, other times the recovery is ongoing.
There are some things that we can do to help ourselves to assist in our recovery that works alongside expert help.
Again, just like a physical injury, rest is important. To rest our brain, we can introduce a simple breathing technique – the six second rhythmic breathing.
Set a timer to beep at 6-second intervals, breathe in at the first beep and breathe out at the second. Slow your breathing right down so that you are fully breathing throughout the 6 seconds.
This will put you in the alpha zone which is the same as our body going into homeostasis which is the body's natural rhythm.
Breath in slowly at one beep until you hear the next beep then breathe out slowly until the next beep and so on.
Breathing in and out at 6-second intervals, often referred to as paced breathing, can have several benefits for your body and mind:
1. Reducing Stress and Anxiety: This type of rhythmic breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps to calm the body and reduce stress levels
2. Improves Heart Rate Variability (HRV): HRV is a measure of the variation in time between each heartbeat. Higher HRV is associated with better cardiovascular health and resilience to stress
3. Enhances Focus and Concentration: By regulating your breathing, you can improve oxygen flow to the brain which can enhance cognitive function and concentration
4. Promotes Relaxation and Better Sleep: Slow, deep breathing can help trigger the body's relaxation response, making it easier to fall asleep and improve sleep quality
5. Balances the Nervous System: This breathing technique can help balance the autonomic nervous system, promoting a sense of inner calm and stability
If we count when we breathe our brain stays active which is the opposite of what we want to achieve with this technique.
When we count the brain will be anchored which reduces wandering thoughts. However, our brain will not fully relax if it is thinking about the counting.
The 6-second is a breathing technique that we cannot overdo. Start with doing this for 5 minutes daily with a goal of reaching 20 minutes each day.
You will be amazed at how effective this simple technique can be.
Let’s talk!
Is It Pride That Comes Before a Fall?
Some say pride comes before a fall, but I'm not so sure.
We need to be proud of our achievements. Each of us has every right to be proud, and on occasion, tell others of what we've achieved.
When we show humility along with pride, it makes a greater positive impact. Be proud, be humble, be acknowledged.
When pride is accompanied by arrogance, we are destined for a fall!
Arrogance is an inflated sense of one's importance and abilities, a belief that one is superior.
Arrogance makes a person dismissive of others, shows a lack of empathy, and an unwillingness to consider other perspectives.
Behind every proud person are others who have helped that person achieve their success. Acknowledging those who helped us with the proud-filled moment shares in the success, and provides them with a reason to also be proud.
It is perhaps arrogance that comes before a fall.
Pride, when balanced with humility, becomes a powerful force for good. It drives us to strive for excellence, to push beyond our limits, and to inspire others.
However, when pride morphs into arrogance, it blinds us to our own flaws and the contributions of others. It creates a barrier between us and those around us, leading to isolation and, ultimately, failure.
True pride is not about boasting or seeking validation. It is about recognising our worth and the worth of those who have supported us.
It is about celebrating our achievements while remaining grounded and grateful.
In the end, it is not pride that leads to a fall, but the arrogance that distorts it.
By embracing humility and acknowledging the role of others in our success, we can avoid the pitfalls of arrogance and continue to grow.
Let’s talk!
Podcast!
It was great to chat Dom Harvey on his podcast.
Watch or listen in as we talk a lot about dealing with depression, understanding the inner voice, how to seek help and lots of other practical tips.
Trigger Warning: This conversation covers distressing experiences from the frontline of the NZ Police.
The podcast is out now across all major platforms - have your tissues ready