You Be You

I was sent this photo last week, taken when I was on stage at the Air NZ Health & Safety reps conference. My first thought, what the heck (heck replaces the original word), I look like Mr Bean, I need to start focussing on my facial expressions to be a better presenter.

Having now pondered, I see no need to change, for this is me. I have many uncontrolled facial expressions when I speak, they are natural. I suspect some of them are learned, most are probably due to my over-active mind - the unrelenting voice inside my head.

Having recently discovered that I have AH - Attention Hyperactivity - explains a lot about who I am. Note, for me it is not a ‘Disorder’, nothing is a Disorder, if anything it is simply a ‘Difference’.

Looking back at my report cards from primary school, all of the indications were present - "Disruptive in class", "Needs to focus more", "Has the ability but doesn't use it." ADHD wasn't a known diagnosis back in my day, it was managed by punishment. The strap, the cane, standing outside the principal’s office…

I became the class clown to cover my inability to learn.

It wasn't until the age of 35, when I was at the police college, that a behavioural science instructor showed me how to learn in different ways. She freed me to learn in my own way, not the way that others learned. My method, rote learning. Not in the usual way of repetitive reading, in an active way.

Writing what I needed to learn in a scribble that only I could read - on paper, on whiteboards, on stick-it notes, everywhere. By the time I had finished, the classroom where I studied each night look like a sauvant or weird scientist had been writing formulas over the walls.

With this new discovery, I was fully engaged in education, a new world had opened, one that was fascinating. I was off on a race, quenching the thirst of a curious mind. A Masters, two Diplomas, doing a third Diploma, published author of two best-sellers, writing a third book on managing anxiety, and so it goes.

On reflection, this photo is who I am, me. Natural, normal (who amongst us is truly normal!), authentic. I have no doubt, given the wonderful feedback after each presentation or workshop, that being authentic is the key for me.

Could it be the same for you? Being you, who you truly are, is so liberating. Freeing you to be authentic, to be who you really are, to be at your best.

Looking back can be helpful - to good times, to make amends, to learn, or to see how far we have come - but never look back to regret what occurred. Never, ever look back with regret. "It is what it is, because it was what it was." I have this statement tattooed on my chest to remind me that I am where I am because of my past.

You be you, be proud, stand tall. Ignore those who have a problem with you being you, for they do not know you as you know yourself.

Let's talk!

Let Your Emotions Out.

Show your emotions, proudly - fighting off emotions may only make them worse. Emotions will come out, they must - so let them.

If we push a 'negative' emotion away, our brain can hold onto it more because that is what our subconscious is designed to do. By getting curious and welcoming the thought, feeling, or emotion, our subconscious simply lets it go.

We remove the negative attachment, we embrace the fear, and our brain says, "Nothing to see here, let's move on to something else".

We All Have A Bias!

Each of us has a bias, a leaning towards one direction over another. In recent times there has been an awakening in the world as we are seemingly confronted with differing perspectives to our own. This is an important advancement in society for us as a species to continue to thrive.

Some though, are resisting this awakening, using the term 'woke' in a derogatory way.

For me, the marae epitomises one way forward in our dynamic world if we are to improve as a society. Respecting each other's differences while working towards a common goal of progression and survival.

We can indeed learn a lot from each other if we can overcome our learned bias. A bias inhibits our ability to see a situation from another's perspective and reduces the possibility of us developing. Our biases hold us back from learning, understanding and progressing. Dare I say it, we remain ignorant, lacking awareness.

So how are biases formed? Most biases are implicit, unconscious, and are formed in our formative years when our brain easily influenced by the environment in which we grow up.

Our brain prefers to run with a bias by grouping things together. We seek patterns to stay within our (safe) comfort zone, and we are conditioned by those around us to 'fit in' and feel connected. Overcoming our bias is difficult because we first have to be aware that we have one.

It is said that if we have an open mind then we will have a greater ability to overcome our learned bias. I prefer to take the longer route and question everything, including myself. Do so from as many sources as possible.

Is there any better way to do this than by following the rules of whaikōrero (speeches) on a marae? Each speaker takes turns without interruption. Opposing views come together to listen, challenge and question each other, respectfully.

The next time that you feel strongly about something with an opposing view, take the time to question why that might be. Is it your upbringing, is it your known and safe pattern, or is it your ease of association that has caused you to think this way?

You might be right, but then again you may not be. We each learn from the other, we are never an expert, for things change. We must continue to learn if we are to progress and survive.

Let's korero!

Change Just One Stressor.

I read somewhere that we spend upwards of 11 hours each day at work if you work an 8-hour day.

👉 You think about work when you first get up in the morning, when getting ready to go to work, travelling to work, while at work, on the drive home from work, when you check your phone/messages at home and also several times in the evening as you go back over the workday - the list goes on.

With us sleeping an average of seven hours each night, that doesn't leave much time for ‘you’. So, it is important (imperative) that you start to take some control of the stressors of work. Relying on others to change things isn’t an option in most cases.

💡 The leading causes of workplace stress are; insufficient breaks, illness, difficult people, a lack of control and, the environment.

Here's what you can do to start changing things for the better;

➡️ Breaks - You should take a break of 10 minutes (or more) every hour. It is important to get up out of your chair and move around to get the blood flowing and to refresh your brain. Importantly, have a break away from computers and mobile devices during this break time – a screen break.

➡️ Illness - If you are sick, stay at home. Your colleagues don't want your germs and going to work when sick will only extend your illness. Plus, you will not be at your best therefore tasks will be more difficult for you than usual.

➡️ Difficult People - Most workplaces have at least one person who is either grumpy, annoying, loud, arrogant, overbearing or just downright rude. Apart from bringing the shortcoming to their attention, which may be an option if done correctly, don't let their actions impact you. Ignore them, or better still, become their friend. Find out more about that person who annoys you and you may well realise why they are the way they are, helping you change your opinion of them.

➡️ Lack of Control - "You can only control what you can control". Suggest how to change things in your workplace; offer to assist in some way to make things better, or even change the way that you do things as long as it is within policy.

➡️Environment - We all need natural light. If you work in a place where there is no natural light, then you need to get outside during your scheduled breaks to get sunlight. We need at least 20 minutes of sunlight each day to produce melatonin and serotonin, the stuff that aids sleep.

Changing just one of these five workplace stressors could just change your life!

Do You Have Intrusive Thoughts?

Be honest with yourself - have you ever had an extreme thought pop into your head and wondered where it came from or why you had that thought?

Have you ever stood on the edge of a tall building, bridge, or cliff and thought - I wonder what it would be like to step off, or, perhaps you feel drawn to just falling? When this happens, you jump back with fright and can't trust yourself to go near the edge again.

Perhaps your thought might be more extreme - I wonder what it would be like to watch someone die?

Just a fleeting thought that comes and goes in an instant so you try to bury (excuse the pun) that thought deeply for fear you might be going crazy. There are other similar thoughts about; religion and wanting to shout out something inappropriate during a church service, opening the door of an aircraft, harming people close to you, hurting animals, and even about your own death.

These are termed 'intrusive thoughts', and they are normal, truly they are. You are not going crazy.

The majority of us have had or will have these thoughts at some point in our lives. Just here in our office after discussing this topic, we discover that two out of three of us have had them.

Where do these thoughts come from? For some, it might be genetics, biological, environmental, or a combination of these and many other things. Like everything with the brain, there is no single nor clear answer for each of us.

The best I can come up with, and this is just my opinion, the intrusive thought is a survival mechanism designed to remind us of what is right and what is wrong. Intrusive thoughts can remind us that we are in control of our thoughts, otherwise, we would have acted on them.

So, what should you do about it if you have an intrusive thought?

Acknowledge and recognise it for what it is - and then let go of it and know that you are "normal", whatever that means.

However, if the unwanted thoughts are starting to disrupt your daily life, particularly if they’re impairing your ability to work or to do things you enjoy - perhaps it is time to seek out professional support.

Let's talk!