Changing The Rules? Communicate Effectively.

Some of us find it challenging to follow rules, regulations, or instructions. So too do others find it difficult when these are new, change, misunderstood or inconsistent. And so, it is the same with our current dilemma in New Zealand of people 'escaping' from our so termed Managed Isolation facilities.

In my humble opinion, rules, regulations, or instructions must be as clear and simple as possible. They must also be delivered in various formats and account for age and language capabilities. Additionally, the person hearing, reading, AND watching the rules, regulations or instructions must be in a sound cognitive state.

Let's look at the term Managed Isolation and what that might mean for a returning New Zealander. The Oxford dictionary defines the word manage as "to take charge of" and the word 'isolation' means simply, alone. Therefore, we are telling people that "we will be in charge of them being alone".

What if the term was changed to 'Supported Separation' or 'Supported Prevention'. The simple act of changing the term 'social distancing' to 'physical distancing' comforted a lot of us, could Supported Separation do the same for returning Kiwis?

Some people do not enjoy having restrictions imposed on them, it feels uncomfortable at best. Tell a child not to touch something and chances are they will want to. Similarly, how many of us felt restricted when we were told not to go hunting, fishing, or to travel across town during Level 4. We might not have been going to do any of those things but the mere fact that someone said 'you are no longer allowed to' compelled us to want to.

When we introduce new rules into our workplaces, how long does it take before everyone complies, often it is a month or two. So to it is for those who are returning to NZ. Moreover, if we change existing rules, regulations or instructions there is great difficulty in making such changes. Those monitoring compliance of the rules, regulations or instructions in the facilities have had many changes made to their operational procedures over recent weeks.

Now let's look at the facilities themselves. Imagine if you were told upon arriving into a country that you were being taken to a 4-star hotel were you would be 'quarantined' for two weeks. Two weeks in a flash hotel with free room service and internet might sound appealing, but what about if you had been stuck overseas for many weeks trying to get home to your family. Or, wanting to visit a family member who is dying. Or, if you had an addiction or health issue. Or...

You arrive at your wonderful hotel to find it surrounded by 2-metre high fencing shrouded in black sheeting with people dressed in a variety of uniforms guarding the perimeter. And some were police officers. Is that what you expected?

"Everyone else had to do it" you tell yourself. "If 33,000 other people could do it, I can. After all, it's only two weeks". Then you find out that those 33,000 other people weren't in the same managed isolation as you are today. You hear that the very first returnees were placed in camper vans on the picturesque Whangapararoa peninsula? And then you find out that some people did go shopping, did get out, but they never got caught until the media highlighted gaps in the system.

How many of us during Level 4 had wonderful ideas of reading books we always wanted to read, binge-watching a series, finishing that painting job, and the myriad of other tasks that we had set ourselves. Did you do any of those? If you did, do you remember the stories or the challenges you found in doing them? Possibly not.

At Level 4 we had restrictions, we complied, but how many of us truly complied to the exact rules, regulations or instructions set for us. You kept your distance, you drove only to the shops and back, and you never met with anyone from outside of your immediate bubble. I venture to say some of us may not have.

How then can we ensure that returnees comply with the rules, regulations or instructions. Threats and sanctions? These work for most people, or so we may think. Who reading this post has never erred against a rule, regulation or instruction. Many countries have a high penalty for murder yet it never stops murders from occurring. The carrot tends to work better these days, more so than the stick.

Engaged communication is the key to success in most situations we we are asking people to comply with a rule, regulation or instruction. Importantly, explaining why the rules, regulations or instructions are necessary, rather than just saying - "Here are the rules, regulations or instructions".

Rules, regulations or instructions are there for two main reasons - to keep us safe or for fairness. In the case of returnees, we can use both as the main point of what we asking them to do.

"You are being taken to a Supported Separation hotel where you will remain to ensure the safety of yourselves and all New Zealanders. The restrictions are the same for everyone returning and we cannot stress enough that we have eliminated Covid-19 community transmission because of the sacrifice we have all made and that you are now making".

I am certain that not everyone will agree with what I have proposed. What I ask of you if you disagree, has what we have done so far worked? I recall a saying that our Prime Minister used, "We are all in this together". Changing 'I' and 'Me, to 'Us' and 'We' brings us closer.

Let's talk!

Global Statistics - A Stark Reminder

For those who follow me, you will know that I and many others are focussed on wellbeing using practical (applied) techniques to maintain a good state of mind. A few of us also focus on suicide awareness and prevention strategies. Fewer still venture into suicide intervention.

Released earlier today by the Flourish team is a very helpful flow chart on the death rate from Covid-19 (Covid) across the world. The original source is from the Global Burden of Disease study, Worldometers populations, and compiled by Johns Hopkins. Both organisations are reputable sources.

The graph provides a comparison of the many causes of deaths globally to vividly show the rapid rate of deaths from the current Covid pandemic - for just the first six months of 2020.

I was more interested in what is shown as being the highest rate of death (on this chart) before Covid became the highest killer. SUICIDES!

Admittedly, the graph does not cover deaths from all causes. However, when you consider that there are more deaths from suicide than from drugs, alcohol, and influenza combined, it brings stark reality to the situation.

It is for this reason, that we will be introducing a new course into our programmes at WARN International.

We will be offering a comprehensive two and a three-day course on suicide intervention. We currently run a programme titled communication intervention which is designed to identify when someone is struggling with negative thoughts or ideations, and how to hold a safe conversation with that person to encourage them to seek help.

The suicide intervention programme will cover all of that and much more, right down into how to intervene with someone who has expressed a desire to take their own. It will assist those who may come across someone in that terrible situation and help them though connection.

If you are struggling right now with those thoughts, I implore you to reach out to a reputable agency for immediate help (1737 in New Zealand), or to visit your doctor/hospital for guidance.

There is help, there is hope, there is happiness. The more that we talk, the more that we learn, the more that we act, the greater that we understand.

Let's talk!

Emotions, Thoughts, and Feelings.

Researching for my next book, I was intrigued to understand how our thoughts originate. Do thoughts make us emotional and is that why we sometimes have a low mood because our thoughts were of bad things. Those who have seen my presentations, been to my workshops, or have read my posts, will know that I am big on mantras.

One mantra I continually espouse - "Let's start thinking about what we are thinking about". Is this a valid thing to say and which then has more control of our current mood: our emotions, our thoughts, or the way in which we feel about a particular situation?

Emotions are regulated from inside of our limbic system and are part of our fast-acting automatic survival network. The limbic system contains the thalamus and hypothalamus (hormone regulation) basil ganglia (habits, rewards, movement & learning) and two major parts, the hippocampus (memory centre) and the amygdala (emotional response).

If we are in a certain situation, our automatic risk management system reviews and compares that current situation to either our ingrained or learned memory so that we can respond with the appropriate emotion. Emotions occur unconsciously and mostly happen before the thought or feeling.

A thought is something that we do in our mind, consciously, subconsciously, or unconsciously. We just don't know that we are thinking a thought until it becomes conscious. When the emotion occurs first, the thought appears in our conscious mind.

A thought is simply an electrical signal that passes between neurons. Each time these cells communicate, the brain builds a connection to make it easier for them to communicate again in the future. Thus, the continued thought builds a neural pathway. The more that we think about something, the stronger the neural pathway becomes and the harder it is to break away from that particular thought.

Our thoughts are just as important as are our emotions when it comes to how we feel. For example, neuroscience shows us that if we allow our thoughts to wander, as in the case of daydreaming, our thoughts will eventually become negative and our mind will bring us back to reality with a jolt. Our mood will become negative and we will feel low.

If we want to daydream, we should reframe the word 'thought' to 'imagining' and control our imagination in order to avoid the resulting negative thought. Therefore, thoughts are not only our ability to form ideas but they are often the link between our emotions and feelings.

Feelings result from our interpretation of events and sensations, including from our emotions. Hence, feelings are essentially the result of our emotions and thoughts; we feel emotions because they are linked to memories which we think of at the time of the emotion.

Therefore, all three - emotions, thoughts, and feelings - are interconnected with the majority of science saying emotions are of foremost importance in the scale of mood change. However, I propose that we can effectively influence our mood by either controlling our thoughts or by getting involved in an activity that stimulates positive feelings.

I want you to think right now of a positive event in your life such as an enjoyable holiday. As you do so, your limbic system sparks with a positive emotional response which makes you feel happy. Similarly, if we do an activity that we enjoy, we will experience a positive emotion and will feel great because our thoughts become more positive with that connecting emotion.

It makes sense then that changing our thoughts can have a positive effect on our emotions and on our corresponding feelings. But, there is a proviso. According to some studies, how we think about our emotions has a critical impact on our wellbeing. According to a study conducted in 2018 by the University of Toronto, participants who believed that emotions are controllable were better able to efficiently reappraise a situation and were much less depressed. 

Importantly then, it’s the way that we view our emotions and thoughts that is the catalyst for changing how we view events. For example, if we see emotions as simply information for our brain to work with at any given time then we have a greater opportunity to control them.

In sum, emotions often occur first and are unconscious. The thought then results from that emotion which leads us to feeling either happy or sad according to the initial emotion. However, as those of you who took the time when reading this post to think of the enjoyable holiday or event will know, that happy thought engaged your positive emotions and correspondingly lifted your mood.

So, what are you thinking about right now? Make it a positive thought to make a positive change.

Let's talk!

Why Can't Our Suicide Statistics Be Kept Current?

When I started this company six years ago, all of our work was in the customer service industry and focussed on two key areas - de-escalation and personal resilience. As the world evolved, so did the needs of our clients, they wanted a greater focus on emotional support for the wellbeing of their staff.

In the last three years, the focus for our clients moved more and more towards supporting staff and their clients who were facing tougher times. Anxiety, depression, and suicide (sadly) was increasing and becoming a genuine concern. Given my previous role, we were more than happy to assist by providing solutions on ways to manage people who are struggling with suicidal thoughts.

Our fear, given the recent pandemic having an impact on most of us, is that this increasing trend may become a spike in the coming months.

Remaining abreast of trends is important for all businesses, none more so than those who are involved in health and wellbeing. Statistics form a major part of identifying trends as we all have seen recently with the response to COVID-19. Governments around the world use, or in some countries stopped using, statistics to guide them with their decision making.

Just as the information that we rely on when making decisions, statistics must be gathered from reputable and validated sources. Most importantly, they must be current if they are to accurately determine trends and assist in finding solutions.

In providing support to organisations who are dealing with suicidal clients and staff, we use both statistics and anecdotal evidence. Why anecdotal evidence, because the accurate statistics are too slow therefore can't determine trends. Prevention requires prediction.

We are being told that businesses must become more agile, learn to pivot, become more nimble, and the many other catch-words used to describe how we should adapt to our changing environment.

Why then, when it comes to suicide statistics, can't our government agencies become more agile, to pivot, or to be nimbler?

Having worked in the Coroner's office, I get it that a formal determination of suicide cannot be made until after the hearing. However, given there can be a lag between the death and the hearing, we are left with a statistical void. The numbers at the time of reading are inaccurate as a result therefore trends will reflect that void. This is unsafe.

I ponder, if the current procedure is to remain, is it possible to have a 'pending' statistic just like we do for the pandemic?

Playing on our minds lately has been the noticeable increase in the number of people reaching out directly who are struggling with suicidal thoughts. Additionally, having just spent the last few weeks reaching out to our clients to see how they have been faring, many share an anecdote of people they are aware of who have committed suicide. Anecdotally, they are business owners.

Searching for statistics to see if this perceived increase in suicide amongst small to medium business owners might be a growing trend has been fruitless as current numbers aren't available!

As small to medium business owners struggle to remain afloat, with unemployment expected to increase, and with an environment of continued uncertainty into the future, the risk factors are high for a spike in suicide. Yet, we have no way of truly knowing without accurate statistics.

If you are reading this post and are in a position where you need help and support, please get in touch with the many services available. If you are truly struggling, I implore you to please seek professional help from your doctor or from a help line. We are also here if you feel that we might be able help you in some way because we stand with you as a small business. And, we will do so at no cost.

Know this, you will get through this and we will get through this. Together.

Let's talk!

Why Don't They Simply Reach Our For help?

Have you ever wondered why people don't ask for help when they are struggling with nenegative or suicidal thoughts? I do, most of the time. The single answer still eludes me despite researching the topic for decades now. It is that there is no single answer that makes suicide prevention so challenging yet one that we cannot shy away from.

Is it the hardwiring of our brain that stops us from asking for help? For many of us, our default setting is to decline assistance and to go it alone. If I were to ask you when I first greet you "How are you doing?", I bet your first reaction is to say "Good". If I were to ask you if I can give you a hand with something you were working on would your first thought be 'No thanks, I've got this'.

Is it because we are community-oriented creatures, wired to help others? I want you right now to think of one thing that you are grateful for in your personal life, one thing that you are grateful for in your work life and one thing that you are grateful for about yourself. Chances are, the majority of you would answer it is family and/friends for your personal life, your colleagues or those we help for your work life, and you may have to stop and think for a moment ot two about what you are grateful for about yourself. Why didn't we think that 'we are here for those around us' when thinking about ourselves?

Is it because we fear what others might say or do? Fear is what keeps us alive; fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of being hurt, fear of what others might think, fear of.... Fear keeps us in our comfort zone so that we remain safe. Fear is also the reason why we tend to run in patterns of behaviour because it is the known, the unknown makes most of us uncomfortable at best.

Is it because we have made a terrible mistake? Perhaps we made an error of judgement, no matter how small it might seem to others yet to us it is a major error. We think about that error over and over until it becomes completely our fault. All the time, our inner critic beats us up about the error making us feel like we have truly failed.

Is it because we don't want to hurt those around us? As we go through the intense pain, emotional and physical, we are hurting deeply. And, as we look to those around us who ask us what's going on, we don't want to pass that same hurt on to them so we keep it to our self. We love you and don't want you to feel what we are feeling because it is intensely painful.

Is it because of our natural negativity bias? If we haven't learned how to adapt to adversity and to our ever-changing environment then we tend to look more for the danger around us than we do to the positive things.

Is it because we are more empathic than others? Empaths see the pain in others and want to help that person to manage the pain yet by doing so they take on the other person's pain. They care for others so much so that they forget about caring for themself.

Is it because we tend to worry more than others do? Worry is not a wasted energy, it is not needless, it provides us with solutions just as a risk management plan might also do. However, if we worry about the wrong things or allow worry to become our 'go to' default then we only see risk without a solution and miss seeing the positives.

Is it because our brain isn't functioning as it should? Irrational thoughts become rational to us, small issues become insurmountable, what we once held on to for hope we now find none, where we were once able to help ourselves we find we can no longer do so.

How will we truly know why a person doesn't ask for help when they are struggling with suicidal thoughts is to ask them when they are in that dark place, maybe then they will tell us their reason as to why. And, chances are, they will give you an answer that makes no sense. But it does to them.

Asking a rational person how they might behave if faced with an irrational situation has no value because they either have not, or are not, in that exact same place. It is a very different world when we are in 'that place'. Rather than finding out why people don't reach out for help when they are struggling with negative or suicidal thoughts, it might be better to find out how we can identify when people are struggling and how to manage them safely, for you both.

How can you tell if someone is struggling with negative or suicidal thoughts? They isolate themselves, they can't sit still in the early stages as their mind races to find a solution, there is a very noticeable change in their usual behaviour, and they won't look directly at you when you talk with them. That's the first signs.

What do you say to someone who looks to be struggling with negatrive or suicidal thoughts? "You haven't been your usual self, I deeply care about you, what's going on?"

Let's talk!

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