Managing Bullying Behaviour!

Frequently bullied workers are at least 10 times more likely to face job burnout, anxiety, or depression.

Here is what you should do if you are being bullied, regardless of the reason;

🙅 Never confront it at the time - if you confront a bully at the time of the incident it often won't end well. When emotions are heightened we become defensive and find it difficult to discuss things rationally. Instead, write down what occurred, what was said and how you felt.

🙋‍♂️ Talk with someone - ask a trusted colleague or friend what they think about your situation, to bring perspective. If the colleague or friend believes you are being bullied, you must take action to bring it to the bully’s attention.

🤔 Can you do it - I'm a firm believer that you, the one being bullied, should talk with the bully in the first instance. This shows that you have strength and will not tolerate bullying.

🗣️ Meet with the bully the following day and remind them of what occurred, tell them how it affected you, and ask them if they thought what they did to you was appropriate had it happened to them. If they react negatively, warn them that next time it happens you won't wait a day, you will bring it to their attention at the time.

🤝 If you can't do it - if you feel that you cannot talk with the bully, have a colleague, support person, or have a union delegate with you or to talk for you on your behalf.

Employment courts generally take the approach of - was it brought to the person's attention at the earliest opportunity and at the lowest possible level - hence the need to take a measured approach.

1️⃣ One chance is enough - if the bullying behaviour occurs again, bring it to the bully's attention immediately. If they do not accept what they have done as inappropriate, it's time to step it up.

💡 Seek skilled help - if the behaviour continues, it's now time to go outside of the organisation and seek employment expertise. Unions are a good start, or an employment advocate/lawyer.

The bully MUST be held to account - ignoring behaviour does not change it. Doing nothing is tantamount to acceptance and in some instances, may be viewed as an endorsement. If we see someone being bullied, it is incumbent upon us to also take action.

Let’s talk!

Listening Can Be Just As Helpful.

Although talking is important, having someone sit with you can be just as helpful.

A Kind Word Can Make A Difference.

As a former crisis negotiator, I know too well the value of saying the right thing at the right time. It can be the difference between a successful conclusion to a tense situation, or a bad end if the wrong thing is said.

Is a kind word really effective in helping others or does it just make you feel good by saying it?

Intuitively, and probably obviously, using harsh words won't win you friends but using nice words and compliments will. Offering kind words increases connections in the brain and with the other person.

Additionally, kind words are contagious, if someone says a nice word about you there is a tendency for you to do the same for someone else.

While out for a jog one evening, I noticed a young lady about to sit down on a park bench beside an estuary, to have her break. She was wearing an oversized city council raincoat and had just finished cleaning the public toilets where I jog. As I ran past I realised that it was a Saturday evening when most people were relaxing. She was at work.

Returning to her, I thanked her for what she does. She looked a little surprised at this strange person all covered in sweat and asked "When was this?" "Now and every day you make this place clean for us" was my reply. With an embarrassed smile, she said "Oh, thank you so much". I smiled back and jogged off.

I have no idea what she thought nor whether it had an impact on her, but her smile said everything. I just hope it made her know that what she was doing was making a difference. Making her feel good is what I wanted.

As with smiling and hugging, saying a kind word not only helps the other person it also helps you. Endorphins and other chemicals are released when we do something kind for someone else, which make us feel good and help protect our immune system.

It is said it takes nothing to be kind, well it does, it takes a little piece of our time. And haven't we all got just a little bit of time to say a few kind words or an unexpected thank you?

Let's talk!

What I Learned From My Brain-Break!

Having had a brain-break in 1999, I sometimes wonder if I will ever be free of the effects of this event.

Will I ever be 'normal' again? Will I be free to work as hard as I used to without fear of going 'mad'? Will I always be worried about what others think and say about me? Will I ever be totally ‘free’?

The answer is, as it is with most things, yes and. Or as we say in New Zealand - "Yeah nah!"

I learnt a lot when I went through my event.

I learned that I have to look after myself.
I learned that I should never have worked 12-hour days continuously for years on end.
I learned that the mind is just as fragile as the body and if you mistreat it your brain will break just like the body.
I learned that I am not indestructible after all.

Going through my recovery was one of true discovery. Everything went from dark to light, opaque to clear, hazy to bright, cloudy to sunny. It didn’t happen overnight, it took a few years, three to five as they say. But it was a wonderful journey of discovery.

I discovered that the brain is more important than the body. That it never rests, that it makes stuff up, that it exaggerates the negative, that it will get away on me if I let it, and that it is me who ultimately has control of my brain.

I also discovered that I must take care of my brain:
I must rest it when it is tired.
I must exercise it when it has been dormant.
I can work as hard as I want provided I don’t do so for years on end.
I must stop (over) reacting to my negative thoughts
I must trust my gut instinct more.
I must listen to my brain when it is in slow mode and ignore it when it is sprinting flat-out.

I find now that I am more emotional than I ever was. I am more connected with those around me, that I am more caring about what others think and say, that I should try and help others as much as I can, that how I behave impacts on others without me ever knowing it both positively and negatively. I am more sensitive than I would ever have thought a person should or could be, and that’s a good thing.

Mostly what I learned is that I have been to a place that many of us have been to and recovered from, that I am not alone, that what I went through is normal if you don’t look after yourself, that I should have listened to those around me who had ‘been there and done that’, that I am human after all.

I wouldn’t want to change any of the effects for anything, I am living life to the fullest.

Let's talk!

I Am Not Good Enough!

I am not good/strong enough.
I need to wait until...
When I get this done I can relax.
The person I talk to inside my head is much younger than I am.
I am getting old.
Life is passing me by way too fast.
I wish I had/hadn't...
Why can't I be like everyone else?

You've likely said or thought at least one of these in your lifetime. Here are a few tips to help you deal with them:

🧠 I am not good/strong enough - Imposter syndrome, you are good enough, you can always do better, and that's why you are where you are today.
I need to wait until - Your brain likes to run in patterns of behaviour, habits that may keep you where you are. There is no waiting, start today, right now, this instant.

🧠 When I get this done I can relax - You will never finish, there's always something else to do, there's another job to do. So, relax in the knowledge that you are working towards being a better person, helping others, and contributing to society.

🧠 The person I talk to inside my head is much younger than I am - Yes, we all have a much younger person as our inner guide. Acknowledge and validate him/her, just don't let him/her hold you back.

🧠 I am getting old - Reflection arrives with age, as does wisdom. Focus on the present, and embrace that you are currently alive by making the most of the time you have.

🧠 Life is passing me by way too fast - You are busy, which is a good thing, you simply aren't focusing on the here and now. Bring yourself back to the moment.

🧠 I wish I had/hadn't - Guilt and regret are designed to remind you of risks/danger and add to your learning pile. Instead, reflect on the good that you have done and add to your pile of good things.

🧠 Why can't I be like everyone else - You are, in many ways. There's about a 10% difference between all of us, the circumstances into which we were born. The rest is very similar, know that you are not alone.

What's a "negative" thought you frequently have? Let's talk!