"Is all of this resiliency stuff that you talk about really that important Lance?"
Of course, you would know what my response was, "Yes".
There are a few ways of getting depression, of becoming unwell as I refer to it, the most common one today for leaders and managers is from burnout. Who would have thought that working hard could hurt you?
In a work context, often how people 'fall over' is when they are placed under too much pressure. Pressure is good for us, it excites us, stimulates us, keeps us focussed and we are often at our best when under pressure. We can all handle a bit of pressure from time to time, in fact we need it to keep us motivated.
However, when pressure becomes relentless, we may become overwhelmed if we aren't looking after ourselves. And that can lead to us thinking that we are under stress. Stress is internal, it is you telling yourself that you are stressed. No person can make you stressed, or stress you out, it is simply your internal reaction to their external action. Instead, tell yourself that you are "busy" and that you need to slow down.
At this stage, if you have been under pressure for too long and perhaps telling yourself that you are stressed, you could go into depression. People become sullen, unmotivated, and lethargic when they are under lots of pressure and can't see a way out. There is usually a catalyst at this point, something unintended, something that comes out of the blue. Often it is something personal that strikes us in our hearts.
Negative thoughts flood in, we isolate ourselves from others, become moody, have trouble focusing, start making mistakes, try to keep busy, and worst of all, don't tell anyone as we try to work through it alone.
While this is usually the pattern we go through when work gets the better of us, there are variables.
Know that if you are doing a lot of self-talking, trying to keep yourself busy, not going out as much as you used to, not wanting to talk with others, have lost the urge to do spontaneous things, don't smile as much as you once did, and cannot look others in the eye, then you need to make some changes.
Pressure is a good thing, too much of it can be detrimental to your wellbeing. Prevention is the key, and this is achieved through balance.
Let's talk!
Lack of Motivation At 3pm?
It's the afternoon, you've had a big day so far, and you have a couple of hours until the end of the day. The slump sets in, so you grab a coffee and/or a sugary snack to get you through the ๐น๐ผ๐ป๐ด๐ฒ๐๐ 2 hours of your life.
And the same happens the next day, and the next day.
So, how can we get past it? Here are five quick fix suggestions on refuelling your brain when you get tired, lethargic, or fatigued;
๐ Move it - moving around will produce endorphins, increase oxygen flow, produce neurons in the brain, burn off cortisol, and much more. A 15-minute fast-paced walk at lunchtime will get you through the afternoon.
๐ Hydrate - 80% of your brain consists of water, you need water for your brain to function properly.
๐ Smile - The 'feel good' neurotransmitters dopamine, endorphins and serotonin are all released when we smile. The muscles in your face tell your brain that you are happy. This not only relaxes your body, but it can lower your heart rate and blood pressure. Smile at someone else, and you might just give someone else an energy boost at the same time.
๐ Look forward to it - Looking forward to good things coming up in the future will generate similar chemicals to those produced when you smile. Look forward to something coming up at the end of the day, in the weekend, a holiday coming up, a significant event, or anything that makes you smile when you think about it.
๐ Nap time - a short 15-minute power nap allows your brain to rest and recover. Unfortunately, not all employers will want their staff sleeping on the job!
๐ Get your protein in - prevent the afternoon crash by having a source of protein with every main meal.
Don't grab that chocolate bar, grab the water bottle instead, and smile while you do so.
Rumination Just Keeps Giving!
Rumination is described as repeated thoughts about something that occurred or of a problem that we are trying to solve. Typically though, rumination is also about replaying a negative event arising from feelings of guilt and regret.
The number one way of avoiding rumination, regardless of whether it is positive or negative, is to talk with someone about it. Why, because the longer we keep 'thinking' about something without some form of control the higher the chance that it will end in negative rumination as our brain goes into our memory to find the solution from past experience. As we know, around 80% of our memory is of negative things which, evolutionary, was designed to keep us safe from danger.
Doing nothing is not an option when it comes to rumination. Doing nothing will only increase rumination. Research is overwhelming in the finding that socialisation, talking with others, is critical if we want to stop rumination and to move forward.
Socialisation is hardwired into our brains. It makes no difference who we talk to. A friend, a mentor, a spiritual adviser, a family member; all are helpful.
Talking may not make the problem go away but what it will do is lessen the emotional pain as it is never a good thing to hold onto negative thoughts. Holding on to negative thoughts only exaggerates them.
What if you donโt want to, or canโt talk to anyone about what you are ruminating over? There is another option described by Sonja Lyubomirsky in her book The Myths of Happiness. It is suggested that we should go through the event in our mind as though we are seeing it through someone elseโs eyes.
Sonja terms it โthe fly on the wallโ view. According to her findings, seeing an event from a distance allows us to replay the event without rehashing the emotional connection. Replaying an event in this way has the same effect as speaking with someone.
Talking may not make the problem go away, but what it will do is lessen the emotional pain.
Let's talk!
What Does It Mean To Be Great?
What does it mean to be great?
It is said that to be great you need a far-off goal, support from others, dogged determination, and to just keep going when things get tough. We look up to those of you who have done just that, who have made it, who have had a dream and realised it. So often this person is very wealthy and/or prominent. We celebrate your success.
But what about those amongst us who are working just as hard, have modest dreams, have support from family and a few friends, are determined to reach their realistic dreams yet are easily swayed to take a different path, and want to succeed but success to them is a modest lifestyle.
For me, those people are also leaders among us. These people are doing wonderful things, working each day to ensure that they can achieve what they set out to do and making a difference in people's lives along the way.
For me, those people are the ones that we should look to in awe. They are the people just like you who go to work each day, doing the very best that you can, looking after yourself and your family.
You are the ones who work as hard as you can in support of the people that you work for. You get up each day, travel to work in congested flows, work 8 to 10 hours each day with overtime thrown in if 'they' ask you to, then travel back home in the same congested flows you travelled in earlier that day.
You are the people who keep businesses going.
You are the people who complete the often tiresome work for your employer.
You are the ones who want your company to succeed.
For me, you are the leaders that we should also look up to.
Thank you for doing what you do every day.
Managing Fears!
If you've been following me for a while, you'll know that "Run to the fire" is one of many mantras I encourage people to start using.
Why, because fear is often what holds us back from reaching our true potential.
When we hold on to the unknown, our brain will tend to make things up, and most often it will turn to the negative. It's all part of the worry spiral that we know so well, if we worry about something for too long our brain will exaggerate the negative, catastrophising is the term used to describe this process.
We might see an expression on someoneโs face and we are unsure of the expression so try to work out the reason for the expression - did I say the wrong thing, were they laughing at me, did they understand what I said - and we continue to try and figure out the cause of the expression.
We all have fears, most of which are learned from events that have occurred in our lives. Therefore, it is natural to assume that all fears can be overcome. Not necessarily so, the good news though is that there are ways to reduce our fears if we can't overcome them.
Here are five ways to reduce or overcome fears;
๐ฆ Take a tactical breath - stop, take a long slow deep breath, hold your breath while counting inside your head, then slowly breathe out.
๐ฆ Face your fears - 'run to the fire', the more that you do something that you fear the easier it becomes. Immersion therapy in a controlled fashion allows us to unlearn what has become instinctive responses.
๐ฆ Feel the fear - don't be afraid of the feeling of fear because that is all it is, a feeling. Basic physics tells us that the harder we push on something, the likely greater the resistance. Feel fear, embrace it, and get accustomed to the feeling. (A cautionary note, if the feelings of fear continue then stop this method)
๐ฆ Think about fear differently - fear, and the accompanying feeling of nervousness, are designed to keep us safe by increasing our focus. Knowing that fear is merely designed to enhance our abilities, and nothing more, gives us comfort.
๐ฆ What were the positives - once you have faced your fears, focus on the positives and celebrate your success. This will produce positive chemicals such as dopamine and serotonin and increase your desire to face more of what you fear.
Each of us has fears, some are rational while others are not so. Nevertheless, your fear is very real to you and that must be acknowledged. Know that fear is mostly learned therefore can be unlearned over time.
Whenever our amygdala fires up it scars our hippocampus, our memory bank, so that we will always be alert to the same danger should we have to face it again. That's the reason why it can take some time to smooth out the scar, to repair it.
Run to the fire, or perhaps walk first until running becomes much easier.
Let's talk!